I have not, but it is probably time to do that. I have to write separate checks because the Army can't deduct it from my pay directly. That would be helpful and much easier. Here's the wrinkle: D17's school is truly about 8K/month, which is about what I send home. My D was a MESS before she left. She seems to be doing much better. That of course, leaves little to survive on from W's pay, about 65K/year, which doesn't go far in the Northeast.
Am I making excuses because I "fear" W.'s rath? Maybe, but I already asked her about the savings and she has told me, it's really tight. I could just say "OK, you figure it out, I'm going to save money" or "I need you to give me receipts for everyhting so that I can see what I need to put away" or "If you are going to file for D. when I get home, I need the money NOW".
None of these seem quite right to me. My priority right now is my D17, which if you haven't seen it by now IS my W.
It's funny (not haha, but ironic:))D17 told me the other night that I should look at the positives of D: D14 is now HAPPY, S9 is now HAPPY, she is HAPPY, W. is HAPPY, and the final line: "You know that Mom controls the emotions of the house. If Mom is happy, then everyone is happy" .I'm sure the counsleor who works with W. and D17 over the phone from Utah said this.
It does remind me of COG's line about Violet in Willy Wonka: we all have to be in line with Mom's emotions, because she's too volatile, and the REST OF US have to change. I think that's BS. W. has always blamed the M. and my lack of emotional support for her anger. I can take some blame, but you know what? I wasn't ecsatic either, but never even raised my voice.
I wouldn't doubt my kids are happier in a way. D17 terrorized the house when she was home. Fist fighting with both W. and D15, while S9 watched. SHES's not there, and I'M not there, so W doesn't do things like rip the bedroom apart, throwing fistfuls of jewelry around, and heavy crystal bowls through the wall anymore....yet. Wait until D17 comes home, and may not behave like an angel.
That was the night where I took her to task for it and said I should have called the police because she was so out of control. She responded: "Go ahead and do it". She rationalized it and said "If I want to be alone with my things, that's my prerogative",as though the destructive tantrum was akin to quietly examining a stamp collection.
FLTC, just start with a small amount for YOUR savings....even $25.00-$50.00 per pay check! You don't need to explain to your wife. Then add a bit more each pay period and it should be pretty painless. It would be different if all of a sudden you stopped sending any money! YOU DESERVE IT!! Whether you use that money just for you or for a family vacation when you return it doesn't matter. You mentioned before that you are getting more pay being in Iraq. That portion would be a good goal to start for your savings because in nine months that pay will not be there. As I said before (my dad's favorite expression: "expenses rise to meet your income"!)
FWIW, regarding the savings account: I'm not real keen on the idea of setting up your own savings account right now. It'll put her on the defensive, and she'll just set up her own savings account in response. Maybe a different story if you think she's being irresponsible or dishonest with the money though. But if not, then I'd tread lightly there for now. Pick your battles.
When it's time, YOU'LL have to decide if you're moving home, or moving out. If it's move out, then you spend community property money and move into a decent place. Don't start setting up separate finances until you do it legally, or in cooperation with each other. That's a very sensitive area.
Even if you've distanced yourself from God, rest assured, He hasn't distanced Himself from YOU. He doesn't promise an easy life on earth, in fact, where there is evil, there is pain. No matter what your level of faith right now, you have nothing to loose by praying. Ask your God for wisdom, courage and strength to get you through whatever hell you find yourself in. Just ask and you might just be surprised by what He gives you.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
