AmyC.....sweetheart, I really do understand much better than you know. My D was married three times before she was 30 years old. All three H's were told what to expect with her condition, but none of them could handle it. The first one was her true love (high school sweethearts) but they were straight out of high school when they married and much, much too young to untake what they had to face. Then the second one....I don't even talk about him....(a drug dealer and user).....the third one we were hoped up about. He was really in love and he wanted whatever time God would give him to love her....yada, yada, yada. Well, they made it ten years and he tried to be more sick than she was all the time and wouldn't work.....lost the medical insurance, everything. She could not get a dime's worth of help or assistance b/c she was married to that worthless man. Finally, she D him and we had to hire a lawyer to fight for her to get .....partcial disability. But yet we would see people that was up walking around doing all types of activities that were drawing large disability checks. She can't even get but a tiny bit of food stamps. I could go on for hours about it, but that doesn't really help your feelings.....other than to let you know that I do understand what it is like to have to do without. We have struggled for so many years trying to get by and then both out children are disabled, so we try to help them as best we can. I don't know who will take care of us when we get too old to help ourselves......guess it will be the nursing home for us....!
As I have told several, that is the main reason that I did not leave my H when he found out about the OM.....I could not support myself and I knew there was no way on earth he would give me any help! It takes both of us together here to get by. Speaking of OM......it's strange, but I thought about him today....something was said unbeknowingly by my H that made me think of something the OM said to me once. It will be my 3 month anniversary about Tuesday. I owe a lot of gratitude to you sweetie for setting me straight when I came here seeking help. And....after reading some things you said to some other folks....I know now that you were down right gentle with me....LOL. Seriously, I will never be able to thank you enough.
I meant what I said last time.....I do think you need to try to do something....if there is anything to do these days that doesn't require money.....to GAL. I think this board became your ministry and you have served in it well, but you do need to have something else too, sweetie. We all care about you.....I found that out when your FIL was ill. And now....when some of us are hearing that things are not getting better, but instead it's getting even worse....it causes our hearts and prayers to pull together for our AmyC.
Please don't give up on "life" Amy. I know you won't, but you are so down now and it bothers me to see you this way. Sometimes our posts--trying to encourgae you--must sound like those "pat" answers I use to hate to hear when people would tell me not to worry about my daughter's health, that "maybe she wuold grow out of it". It would make me so angry b/c I knew that they did not know anything about it or they would understand that she would not grow out of it.....she would be blessed if she even grew up! Well, she was bless. It's been a very hard road.....lots and lots of pain.....both physical and mental....and some spiritual as well, but we still have her.
We have some friends (a married couple) that are about our age and had a couple of girls. I always envied them b/c it seem like God just turned everything they touched to gold. I would cry and pray and ask God why He blessed them so much more than He did my family. Then one day their 17 year old daughter was killed. I cannot begin to tell you how that made me feel. To think I had been jealous of them for so many years. They have aged so much since she died. She had been their youngest and so beautiful and talented. Their other daughter will nevr marry.......(may be gay, but I don't know that for sure.....I won't ask them)so they will never be grandparents. My heart hurts for them. I hope I won't be jealous of anyone ever again.
This old world is so unfair, isn't it? But, I know one thing, sweetie.....this old world may be unfair....but God is never unfair.....It is impossible for Him to be anything but fair. It is just that we can't see it al clearly yet.....just like Paul said. Someday....someday, we will understand it better by and by, just like that old song says. I believe that or I would have given up years ago. You got the "Right Stuff" girl.....I know you do! I have read too many of your post not to know that you do!
It is okay to be tired honey. You know what the Lord told us to do when our burdens are to heavy to carry any longer......I don't have to tell you. You are going to be alright.....don't you listen to the enemy.....you know he will lie to you. Tell the devil to go to hell, b/c you know the One Who will take care of you!
I love you sweetie. I don't know you other than through this board and by the way you have helped me and so many other....but I know Who you stand for and what you have proclaimed about Him....so, that gives me a right to say....I love ya.
You take care, honey.....don't give up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
