Well, you know, change is always scary. Whether it's good change or bad change--it's still scary. (For me, at least- which is why I want to nest;settle in.)
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If this is a test, don't do it. It's more extreme pressure that you're putting on him. Trust me, if you're feeling that agreeing with you will = rejection, he WILL feel that no matter how you try to hide it.
Hmmm..interesting perspective. I don't really consider it a test, per se. I think that recognizing a hard truth can feel like rejection. And if he says "Yeah, you oughtta buy a house because I don't see us working out and I want to move back into this house"-that would feel like rejection and I am not sure how it wouldn't. Heck-my daughter's boyfriend just broke up with her and she was thinking she was going to break up with him, but he beat her to the punch-so, even though she is "ok" with the outcome, she is a little miffed that he was the initiator and feels rejected.
I posted this earlier and it contains what I intend to say to H.
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If I were to say to him, "I do not want a divorce at this point and ultimately would hope that we would reconcile. I can't continue to live in the house and you are unhappy in the apartment. I get that. You know I hate moving and that moving my businesses causes big down time. So, I am opting to buy a house. If we reconcile, then I am sure you will happily help me move back in and we can decide what to do with the house I buy. And if not, then I have already started to build my life and won't be forced into another move." I think that makes it very clear that I am open to reconciling. If I say that to him and he says 'no no no' then I would be open to discussing other options. From where I stand, though, the stage has been set that the only way for him to have clarity is to be in the house without me.
Thoughts?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
