Tried an experiment last night. I'm feeling much better (emotionally) since the accident, but things have still been kind of 'off' between xh and I. I know he's really stressed, so I tried a combo of things...
When he called last night to ask me to bring his car back, I made sure I was very friendly and sounded to happy to hear him. (Even though I was cringing inside thinking he was going to be mad.) I made sure to tell him when I got there how much I appreciated the help, that I knew he was going way out of his way, and how stressed it must be making him. It seemed to work pretty well.
I suspect my own fear of him being upset with me is causing me to act weird...which then fuels his weirdness...and it becomes that annoying self-fulfilling prophecy. I started thinking waaay back to the beginning of our R, and how I would have handled a bout of moodiness then. I would have been momentarily upset, possibly avoided him for a short time, then have just forgotten about it. So, I tried to act as if and follow that model again.
It seemed to have helped. He was still feeling funky, but he opened up and told me some of what was going on. As I had suspected, more drama with JD.
I don't hate her. Really, I feel sorry for her, and want to see her situation improved. Her husband is insanely controlling, to the point of being abusive. He did tell me she does have her visa now, so she is legal finally. This is a huge step for her! He was asking me for help looking up what she needed to do to be authorized to work in the US. (Next step toward moving out.) I also told him she should consider getting a PO Box set up--he thought that was a good idea, so her husband can't go through her mail. He also told me that she did buy the birthday cake--a really nice custom one with dinosaurs.
He really spilled last night. Was concerned his FF MY may be getting a crush on him. He said it's been weird around her lately, which made him sad, because he thought he had finally made a FF he could actually just be friends with. I had hoped so, too. I really hadn't gotten the impression he was interested in her at all. He's afraid their friendship may be messed up.
And, when xh was running myself and the baby home, he did mention he may not be able to sustain his friendship with JD. Said that if her husband's anger did turn physical (which we are both convinced may happen, if it hasn't already) and she doesn't leave, he won't be able to maintain that friendship, for his own sanity. He asked if that made him an ass. I told him no, since this situation with her is taking such a huge emotional toll on him. It's starting to be not healthy for him. I told him at that point, the best thing he could do would be to give her a list of shelters and then let it go.
I'm going out tonight. Actually out. To a bar. It's been almost two years. Do I even remember how to do this?? lol I am really looking forward to it, though.
