I originally pursued when the bomb was dropped, and as some of you know, I came totally unglued and tried to check out. Am I proud of that...hell no. When I was concerned about mobilizing, I contacted an Army physician who was the smartest, kindest human being I could have encountered. He was a speical forces doctor, and had paid the price of service by giving his right arm....literally. He stated that on his special forces team, literally five soldiers had tried what I had, and went on to be mobilized in a combat zone. His words to me were: "Sometimes you break a leg. That heals. You had a totally broken spirit and that heals too".
That was during the desperation phase: calling her friends, relatives, anyone who could get me past the disbelief, to no avail. She had made her mind up.
When I returned home after my brief stay in the hospital...I had lost it...she agreed to "work on the marriage" As you may recall, I did not get better on her schedule. I was traumatized thinking I had lost everything I lived for, and almost lost my life with it.
When we separated, I would not let her see weakness. The schedule sucked. Picking S8 up from school three days or more a week while she worked, going to my "old house" feeding the kids, cleaning up, doing HW with them, and then waiting for her to arive home from wherever she was. THEN, I got to return to my one room garage apartment.
The mobilization was a Godsend. It got me out of a bad situation, and restored a lot of my confidence that I'm a damn competent officer, a good leader and as my esteemed colleague COg and a new follower MK pointed out: I'm a good man as well. I had doubted that for a long time, because of the accusations that I "showed no initiative and did not fulfill my W.s emotional needs".
I have taken a hard stand with her, and it gets her even angrier and resentful. She is really a mean human being, who has little to no self-confidence, and I beleive, as COG does, there is some instability or maybe alcohol abuse as well.
I have written to her before but probably could use some advice on how much to amp it up. I'm in great shape here. Surrounded bya whole bunch of great new friends who fill whatever down time I have, and I am always going 100 mph. I think about going home in 9 months however, and restaring the whole thing again. She has not changed her mind one bit since early August 06.
I cannot fall into pity or fear, however. You guys are right on that one. It's funny, being on the battlefield is minor compared to being rejected by a spouse. You all know this.
