Here we go 'round in circles...

[SDFoundGirl]

Thanks to all of you for your input and replies. I feel like I need to give a little background...and then I'll share what happened.

H has always blamed me for his not taking action on things...because of how he thought I *would* act or how I'd acted in response in the past. I was held accountable for his unhappiness and lack of action, often without him ever saying a word or communicating his needs.

The "permission" thing was not an accident on his part. He told me this himself...felt like he was doing a "good" thing by asking. When I told him how I perceived it and how it made me feel, he backed off it.

I pretty much told him everything I'd listed here. I told him I'd support him in whatever way I could, but it was not my place to grant permission. I told him I want him to be happy, I want him to follow his bliss, but I also expect us to be able to pay our bills. I offered to sit down and help make a plan, and I offered to pay for some life coaching with a friend and colleague of mine who has helped me transform my life.

He's been dragging his heels on changing jobs for SOOOO long. He's literally been talking about it since before the bomb. There has been little to no movement toward finding another job/developing the plan that would allow him to start his own business. Honestly, I may be wrong, but I think he's stayed so long because of LW. No matter what, though, that doesn't really matter to me. The job sucks the life out of him, and short of financial ruin, I support his choices.

H has decided to take me up on my offer for the life coaching sessions with my friend, and he agrees that he can't just quit. I listen and validate my butt off...but that whole permission thing just set my alarm bells off. I've been put in that position in his mind way too many times to count...and it's just not right or fair to me. One of the things I'm working on FOR ME is to know who I am and what my boundaries are, and to not be afraid to communicate what I want and need. I needed to say those things to H as much for me as for our M.

On another note, H is trying. He's putting forth the effort in terms of what I've asked for. We actually went out tonight for a really incredible meal...and H was very lovey all the way through. I'm getting that physical touch and closeness that was missing from our R...and that's a good thing for both of us.

Again, thanks for all the input. I love that I have so many amazing resources here!

SD