Rollar Coasters are no longer fun

[Dom R]

UGH he just called again. I said what do you want? I was thinking about you. I said ok. I said H, I cant do this anymore this up and down and up and down. I have no clue how you feel ever. He said I feel about you like I always have... So stupid me says "Wow great to know you never loved me". He gets mad and says I have to go. I said figures. He said you just don't get it. I said get what. He said just hang in there and give me time... I love you... and now I need to go.

Owch.

I'm sorry for how you feel. i know it's horrible.

Right now, you are, understandibly, at the end f your rope with him.

May i suggst, first and foremost, that you stick to your plan of just not talking to him for a few days. recharge yourself. feel better about yourself.


then, AFTER that... how about sticking to this plan:

let him be him, and act appropriately to how he treats yu.
Try to avoid anticipating bad behaviour, like you did above. that's the behaviour pattern that the "act as if.." stuff in the DB books was invented to avoid.

If he calls yu, and treats you nicely... then let him talk. feel free to be nice back :)If he talks to you, and spews at you... then say "I need to go now", and hang up r something.

Amy, frm what you quoted as him saying... it sounds like he's kinda at the far side of the swing, and may be ready to swing back to you more.

It happens to a lot of people, that by the time the filandering spouse is ready for this, the LBS has lost their patience, and so a recovery instead turns into an escalation.

hang in there.
For what it's worth... I think that you might be able to actually believe him, when he says that he loves you, and to give him time.

How he reacted, in the fact of you snapping back, shows that to me, i think.

I think yu should believe what he said this time.
Give him time.
In practical terms, that means, "look after yourself, and protect yourself from his ugly side, and protect what positive feelings you have left for him".

focus more on you.
when he wants to be nice to you, then... IF you feel up to it... let him. (otherwise, politely bow out)

if he's nasty... then dont talk to him, when and if he is nasty.

Hang in there.