NikkiB #21

[NikB]

Thanks all. I pulled myself together this afternoon. Talked to my dad for awhile. He's able to listen to me vent without hating H (hates how I'm getting treated and that I'm in the sitch, but doesn't hate H). His heart tests today came back as more positive so that's good, but he still has to go to another specialist on Monday and has been told to call 911 at the first sign of ANYTHING in his chest. It's scary.

Redheadwife
Yeah, MLC is looking more and more like where I 'belong' now. I used to be terrified of that forum, now I see I was right to be. (said tongue in cheek..). Yeah I think he's full of crap on the whole passive thing too.

As to the texting.. I have snooped enough to know that there is an EA going on (a second one, he had one going with someone else last year, still has that one going on too from what I can tell). I don't think (even based on some of the texts) that it's gone to PA. I'm done snooping now, but did it to get some clarity on what is or may be going on. I know, that's an excuse.. but I do think in that situation it was ok.. I'm not obsessing over what I found or doing it again or anything. More like fact gathering.

Saffie
Thanks.. I think you're right. I also think a separation is what we need - and I recognize it has to be me to go this time. It just does, for a bunch of different reasons. The fear of that is rapidly fading for me. I understand the reality of it will not be fun whatsoever... but the fear is fading.

Oldtimer
Thanks for that link! I need to find out if I can take my dog to any of those, or if not I will need to briefly talk with H to make sure he'll be here to take care of her... I know she's "just" a dog but she's been my only 'kid' for 10 years now, so she's very important to me.

I packed a bag and put it in my car. Friend is driving tonight so I won't have my car with me, but it's packed so that I can easily get in and go somewhere else once we get home. This is also good because I can see if H is home (for the dog) without having to call - just see if his truck's here and if so I can send a text that I'll be gone for the night. Please send all your courage my way for making myself go somewhere else - it's going to be hard, working on the strength now though.

Ellie
Thank you. I know what you're saying is true but it's soooo hard to get that "never loved you" crap out of my head. Working on it though.

Vegas might be kinda far, was thinking more of a road trip (and that's about 11 hours for me), but thank you for the suggestion! Flights there are cheap and I'd go but don't want to be that far away in case something happens w/my dad.

haha thank you for the laugh on the laundry equity.. and dishes.. and cleaning... and cooking.. and the list goes on. I did all those things almost exclusively.

I have a referral to a good lawyer, just need to see if they are covered under my prepaid plan. The lady I talked to there was really great and said she'll do everything she can to get him added to their plan. I have an advantage because there's currently no one listed who handles sep/D stuff and my contract says that in that case they have to pay someone who's not on the plan - so I'm hoping. The legal stuff he's throwing at me isn't from a lawyer at all, I know that much. It's all based in guilt (sometimes his, sometimes trying to make me feel guilty and cave). He knows enough of the actual law to be very afraid.

Yeah house values are dropping like crazy. It's down $20,000 since the first time he left - and $10k of that is in the last 30 days! It's nuts. I need to ask the L about that - the brief phone consult I got the guy told me it would be based on the day one spouse moved out. So something that I got today might not be "valid" - I'd have to wait until right before one of us moves. Not sure how that works.

And thank you.. I agree, it's time to let go.