Sorry your H is being a moldy piece of d!ckcheese, but that's completely out of your control. I agree with everyone else encouraging you to get away to spend some time figuring out what YOU want. Get yourself clear, then take action.
As far as the house, etc.: there's no "screwing" anyone over in CA. Marital assets are split 50/50, and you keep anything that was yours prior to getting married. If you bought the house before getting married, it's yours. If you bought it after you were married, you'll have to sell or buy the other person out. Retirement, savings, etc. are split 50/50. His cars and big boy toys? Half of anything he got during the marriage is yours.
He may not like it, but that's the law in CA.
Do you have a second bedroom to move into? Go there. Create your own, sacred space away from him. Turn that room into an oasis, then do your best to get busy and let him do his thing. He wants a separation? He can move. He can file for D, and you guys can sell...or you can file for D and then sell. Soon enough he'll have to deal with the reality instead of this fuzzy purple world where he gets his way and you just disappear.
Stand in your power, Nikki. He can only hurt you and drive you out if you allow it.
How far away from Mendocino are you? I recommend http://howardcreekranch.com/ . A little pricey, but an incredibly comforting retreat. Really laid back...restorative.
Take care of you, and screw the f*cktard.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
