As for standing for our M, I think it means not running to divorce court the second our spouse says it's over and that there's an OP. Many people wouldn't even consider taking their spouse back after an A.
Standing also means understanding that our spouse may be going through something more than waht's on the surface. It's about understanding that they may be ill and not in their right mind... It means being supportive and solid ground when/if they spiral down.
But standing also means finding a sense of self. I've read a few things on this thread that stood otu to me. For example, standing on our own two feet. I couldn't agree more! Finding a way to find happiness without our spouse in our lives.
I think there's a difference between standing and waiting. Standing is about living our own lives and finding peace and happiness with or without our spouse. Waiting is just the opposite. Waiting is giving our spouse all the power over our own happiness.
The more important lesson to be learned here is to find happiness inside ourselves and not to look to our spouse to give us happiness.
At the same time, I don't judge those who decide to move forward with a D. Only we know our own limits. And I think it takes courage to decide that one's mental health must be nurtured. And if calling it quits on the mess of the MLC world is what will bring that mental health, then so be it.
We can only do what we feel is right.
In my case, my H and I have been trying to reconcile for the past year. It's been very hard. Many times I've considered calling it quits for good. We are still in the process of reconciling. And while I'd prefer to stay married, if it comes to a point where it's unhealthy for me or my children, then I am prepared to D. Although, I am fighting a good fight to avoid that scenerio. I love my H and I love my family and I hope we can keep it together.
Okay, total rambling. Sorry for the lack of any logical flow to my post.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
