I still have his email messages as evidence, incidentally.
No snooping!!
I know the crazy urge. I have problems with it myself. But no more snooping, okay? It's a controlling behavior. Besides, all it leads to is crazymaking.
BTW, detaching doesn't mean you won't still have feelings. It means you won't let them run away with you, and influence you to do stupid things. These guys are giving you good advice--just much more brutally than I would phrase it.
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My XW has some fairly serious emotional problems.
shrug So does my xh. So do lots of people's SO's. You can't fix her; you shouldn't try to. You sound like you think she's crazy for leaving you. So what? That's her decision, as an adult. If she were asking you for help, that would be one thing. But that's not the case. Respect her decisions as a single woman. It's not up to you to 'judge' who does or does not date. I don't care how 'wrong' you think they would be for her.
I know. I do it, too. I don't like my xh's FF JD. I think they would have a lousy R. I even slip up and tell him that sometimes. But, bottom line is, I can't stop him. I probably wouldn't think anyone is good enough for him.
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I tried to warn her in advance about trusting the men who would respond to her personal ad. My XW is very cute, petite (5'2", 100 lbs.), and naive. She is very sweet and trusting of everyone (until they give her a reason not to be). That is the wrong combination of characteristics for a woman living alone who hasn't dated for 20 years.
So? She didn't listen to you. She doesn't have to. This sounds potentially controlling, as well. Again, she's single, and has been single. She can trust whomever she chooses to. You need to trust her decisions. It's not up to you.
I hate to say it, but you sound like you don't think she can take care of herself. And, again, it's not your job to protect her. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't trust me to make my own decisions.
I'm sorry you're hurting. This is a crappy position to be in. I think it's also why you're so defensive. I understand your reactions, but regardless, clearly you need to do something different in order to have a better outcome in your next R. (Whomever that may be.) So, that means taking a good, honest look at yourself and your own behaviors to see how you contributed. It's not always an easy process, but it's definitely worthwhile.
Having said all that...you need to be focusing more on yourself. Exercise is a great PMA booster. So is GAL. Do you have anything fun planned for the weekend?
