Divorced but CANNOT "move on": Urgent Help Needed!

[Dead Man Walking]

MRHIGHSPEED:

I appreciate you sharing the benefit of your experiences. You mentioned that your divorce is final next Wednesday. What, if anything, have you tried to do to head it off? When you say your X "became mentally ill", how so?

My XW has some fairly serious emotional problems. Her symptoms only manifest fully over a period of many months. So, unless any of her BFs dates her for an extended period of time (and is paying attention), she'll be able to mask her problems indefinitely.

Another thing that sucks is that I tried to warn her in advance about trusting the men who would respond to her personal ad. My XW is very cute, petite (5'2", 100 lbs.), and naive. She is very sweet and trusting of everyone (until they give her a reason not to be). That is the wrong combination of characteristics for a woman living alone who hasn't dated for 20 years.

I acknowledged that there were some "good" men who use on-line dating services; but, that there were at least as many insincere (or worse) men who would use her for their own selfish purposes, then throw her away. I begged her not to accept at face value the slick "marketing package" that these guys would present her with. I told her that there would come smooth-talking con artists who would pattern themselves after the criteria in her "want ad" in order to impress her. [I have read elsewhere at DB about the "emotional predator" types who are always looking for easy prey; sadly, that would likely include my XW.]

Based upon what I have learned about her new "steady" BF, he is a lion in sheep's clothing. I guess the irony is that he doesn't know what he is getting himself into when he chose his latest victim. I went into our R fully aware of my XW's problems--and determined to help her be happy in spite of (or maybe because of) her dreadful childhood. If her new OM is determined to become her next H, I guess they'll each get what they deserve.

I know that I'm powerless to stop my XW from making any decision whatsoever--even mistakes which will result in her being hurt, taken advantage of, or worse. I'm hurt and lonely since she left, and plenty bitter about how she's mistreated me via the legal system. Still, I feel plenty guilty about whatever happens to her. If I had been a better H for her, she wouldn't be in such a vulnerable situation now. Of course, I also worry about the impact upon my kids of a poor decision by my XW.