NikkiB #21

[saffie]

Nikki,

I'm in the Uk so I am not up on US law but does it make a difference if you leave the house? Does it give H extra rights over the property. Over here there can be abandonment issues. Check things out before doing anything too drastic.

saffie

[NikB]

Gosh all this support just when I need it - thank you all.

tal
Yeah, thought I had the emotional protection side of things covered but apparently not nearly well enough. I can't believe how hard this is hitting me. I agree I need to get things in order. No kids.. thankful for that right now.

Hope to see you Piecing soon. It's scary to make that jump... I know it's just a website but it feels like a big leap of faith.

Thanks for your email address, adding it to my address book now. I'm at [e-mail].

RedHeadWife
Good point... I have GOT to get my head cleared out before I can do much else.

saffie
That's why I'd want something legal, in writing, before I'd leave.

I'm in a community property state so it's fairly cut and dried that anything acquired after marriage is a joint asset. It's a little fuzzy for us since we bought the house a year before marrying, but since we're both on the paperwork I think it will be ok.

Leaving can cause custody issues but since we don't have kids that's not a factor for us. It doesn't give H more rights over the property from what I've read and what one L told me when I did a brief phone consult. I wasn't that confident with this L though so I will talk to another one for sure before doing anything. And I'd want something in writing no matter what.

[RedHeadWife]

Nik, I've been trying to tread softly, but after Stubborn has spoken up, I have to also say that I'd like to meet your H in a dark alley right about now & beat the crap out of him!!!!

[saffie]

Nikki,

What he is doing is a bit like mental cruelty - even if he doesn't know he's doing it. Cuddling you whilst telling you he doesn't love you but then telling you he cares.

It seems that he doesn't want to be seen as the bad guy and so this is his way of dealing with it. He needs to be straight about it all.

Saffie

[oldtimer]

Taking a long weekend sounds like a good compromise. You could stay away monday and tuesday too and make appointments later in the week from wherever you are.

[NikB]

RedHeadWife, Saffie, OT - thanks for posting.

RedHeadWife - ha - I think he better avoid dark alleys for awhile. I should mention he is afraid of redheads.. funny it was you who said that.

Saffie
I think you're right that he's trying to not be the bad guy. But you're right how it's pretty cruel, I hadn't thought of it that way.

OT
That's a good idea... hm. Will have to think about where to go. I wonder if it's sunny anywhere near here this weekend. I already had plans to go out tonight, glad for that. Hoping it goes ok.. I'm doubting my ability to keep it together but I will do my best!

I wish I could take my bike but don't have a way to transport it with my car (it's on my list of things to figure out). I've only ridden it near my house or when we transport it in H's truck.

I just realized I forgot to even mention, my Dad had another heart problem yesterday, too (he had a heart attack 4 months or so ago). His heart stopped for about 30 seconds during a treatment he was having and they had to revive him with CPR. Extremely scary. So I am not totally sure about going away given that... it will depend on what he learns from the doc today.

I do really want to get away, though.

Anyone have any inspiration on places for me to go? Needs to be generally in the Northern California area, preferably dog friendly (I'd like to take her with me, otherwise have to arrange dog care with H and it kinda defeats the "get up and go"-ness of it), and no snow driving.

Monterey is out, but anywhere else I'm up for. Any hidden gems anyone would like to share?

Got through a couple tough phone calls this afternoon.. one to a lawyer's office only to find out they don't handle sep issues.. one to my legal service to get a referral to someone who does. Cancelled a couple medical appts for Monday and Tuesday (they weren't critical). Longest I've gone since last night without crying so I guess that's good.

I can't believe this is hitting me so hard. this is ridiculous.

[RedHeadWife]

I definitely think you need to look over on the MLC forum and maybe start a thread over there for those guys to give you some answers.

I think you 2 have been together long enough, I don't believe the 'we wouldn't have ever been together if I wasn't so passive' stuff.

Also, I think you need to truly think about the texting issue. Do you really think he's not having an A? 'Nop' over in the SSM forum is an expert on this issue!!

[saffie]

I don't believe the 'we wouldn't have ever been together if I wasn't so passive' stuff.

I agree with Red. I think this is 100% bullshi$$. I think he has forgotten that he loves you. In your sitch I think that there is a good chance a separation would shock him into realising what he was missing.

Saffie

[oldtimer]

http://www.norcalhostels.org/

[oldtimer]

pack a bag, go to your outing, and sleep elsewhere.