Yes, I did calm down after he moved out. It was actually a good thing he moved out. In the moment, it was hard to see that I had wound myself up into needy/jealous/crazy mode again. Time alone, with myself, helped me see that I need to climb out of that hole again.
It wasn't quick, believe me, but I'm glad he moved out.
Quote:
he was living a single man life in a marriage
Oh, I know this point. I had tried patient and understanding for, literally, years. I thought his crisis mode would blow over, like all the other times. Well, after a few months (and this being the third go of it), I began to decide it was totally unacceptable. The only reason I didn't, was because I thought he was doing the juvenile thing of trying to make me do hard job. I should have gone with my gut, and asked him to move out. (I wouldn't have asked for the D, as that wasn't my motive.)
I didn't. I should have, but I didn't. I did suggest he move out, but I didn't force the issue. Ah, well.
Anyway. No, I don't think you've blown it. You're setting healthy boundaries after being understanding for awhile. Your sanity is important, too. It doesn't have to lead to D. Hey, even if it does...well...things could still be far from over. (Look how much time xh and I spend together!)
But, back to my original point. Sometimes they have to see what 'the other side' is to realize they don't want it. You're setting boundaries about what is and is not expected in your M, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I say stick to that, and let it play out for awhile. It certainly doesn't mean the end.
