My flight is booked to my parents' city. I leave next Friday. Then I'll be driving back their minivan... In a way, I'm looking forward to the cross-country trip all by myself. I've never done anything like it. While I have made the trip with xh and my dad before, I think this will be fun! (And I should get some good thinking time in.)
xh has been in a weird mood. I notice when I feel sensitive he gets weird. I'm not sure what the cause/effect relationship there is, but the two go together a lot. Could I be triggering him? Is he triggering me? Are we just going in silly circles?? lol I suppose it doesn't matter; just don't know what to do to break the funk.
He started smoking again yesterday. sigh He'd quit for the longest stretch yet, but he's back to using that habit for his nerves. He said my 'being late' the other morning triggered him. He did, however, say he wasn't blaming me. I suspect it was more of the 'final straw', and may be more related to my wreck. Hard to say.
He also wanted to spend a night alone at his place last night. So that's two nights we haven't spent together in a row. Seems weird, after sharing the bed the last three months. But, whatever. I validated that he was tired (from school and running me around) and that he would get good sleep alone. All true; I really wasn't condescending.
xh also said he spoke to his mother yesterday. She is still pushing for him to reconcile with me. He told her he 'wasn't ready for all that' and 'now is not the time'. Back during our last separation, I used to validate his feelings but secretly cheer her on in the back of my head. Now I find it genuinely annoying she doesn't accept his viewpoint and his feelings. I told him he was right, and that it really isn't her business what our relationship is. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to. He's a big boy. He could even go out and actually date if he wants to. (Not that I WANT him to!)
I am getting sick of seeing JD's picture up in his leaving room. It feels like she's starting at me, lol. No, I don't feel like he's cheating on me or betraying me, it just really stings. And I do realize that I'm in a better position, not that I want to feel like I'm competing. And the woman is still married, so it's not like that would be a healthy R. But, still... I don't like the stupid thing looking at me. I noticed a new glass dragon beside the picture, but didn't ask.
xh was also wearing a new bracelet yesterday. I did tell him 'nice bracelet', but all he said was 'I thought so.' He could have bought both himself; maybe not. When he's in his weird moods, getting him to talk is like pulling teeth. So the lack of a full response doesn't mean anything, really. He could have easily purchased both items.
He also did tell me JD will definitely be buying the cake for the baby's party on Sunday. I doubt she will actually be there, though. I don't really care either way...except that I wanted to have had more time at the gym before meeting her. Oh well. Guess I could always play the 'poor me in a car accident card', lol. (No, I wouldn't really do that.)
I also should do more to show my appreciation for all his help this week. I don't want to fall into the trap of expecting it, just because it's an easy habit. He could have easily said 'sorry about the car!' and left it for me to figure out. I was kind of afraid to say anything yesterday, since I thought he might go off on how I was late getting to his place. Instead, I sent him a text before I went to bed. I will try to do something else...but probably won't know what until I see how all of this accident/insurance/finances stuff shakes out.
One other thing I'm working more on is accepting offers of help or friendship. I had plans for Saturday, but had told the hostess that I might not go since I no longer have a car. She offered to pick me up. Old me would have found some excuse to decline. So I made sure to say yes.
(And I should get some good thinking time in.)
