NikkiB #21

[JAK58]

[/quote]
I didn't agree to anything, tried to head it off by saying "Not now, that's all legal stuff" and once said "I'm not going to intentionally screw you over but I'm going to pursue whatever's legal and fair."

Is that the best way to handle it?[quote]

I think your statement was very well handled. I also think this shows you how messed up he is right now to even worry about getting screwed.

I believe from what has been posted that he is MLC and thats probobly where you could post for the most feedback.

I think RHW is correct that he chooses to feel this way with all the confusing actions on his part. (hence the MLC)

Nikki I feel so much pain for you right now.

Who knows the way things are going with H right now and his Disconnection I could be joining you

Please contact a Lawyer and do not let H take advantage or bully you into or out of anything.

(((((hugs)))))

JAK

[oldtimer]

((((((((((((Nikki,)))))))))))))))

Quit doing what is not working for anyone. Quit accepting comfort from the person who is hurting you. It really is not healthy.

Forget trying to fix H. Stop trying to make him see things your way. H is not a man, he is a boy with a pretty weak, malleable identity. He doesn't know what he wants because he doesn't have much of a self.

Take next week off. Pack a bag, your bike, and go on an adventure. Priceline hotel rooms, stay at a hostel, whatever. Don't discuss it with H. Send an email or text message once you are on the road, and then IGNORE him. Focus on yourself.

[oldtimer]

TAKE ACTION.

[JAK58]

Old timer as usual has givin you excellent advise NIkki.
I might think about that too.(if it's feasable)

JAK

[Trixi]

(((((Nikki))))))
That SUCKS! I am so sorry. You know I don't have anything (advice wise) to offer to you since I am further behind in this process. All I can say is that I have admired your strength and growth and appreciated no end the advice you've posted to me.

You didn't mess anything up. Not at all.

[NikB]

Thanks RedHeadWoman, Stubborn, Disillusioned, jak, Oldtimer, Agent99.

Your support means so much to me. I promise to look in on all of you when my head is clearer. Thank you for being here when I need you all so much.

To address some of the specifics..

Stubborn
I wish I believed he's a fu*ktard, it would hurt less. We both deserve better than this though, that much I know. Thank you for the rant though, it made me smile. And that shovel idea... hmmm.. don't tempt me.

The house is a major sore spot. Legally wise, I've been on the title/mortgage from the beginning. I feel guilty about the $10k down payment, which he'd been saving for a long time even before we moved in together. He also put in more "sweat equity." Legally wise he may have a case for the $10k... not sure on the rest.

We also bought right before real estate went absolutely nuts, so the house has almost tripled in value. Normally a good thing, but it means we have so much equity that it's going to be very expensive for either of us to buy the other out. Other assets would be relatively clear and easy to split, but the house is a big deal because it's worth so much more. (even if I concede on the $10k... it's a drop in the bucket compared to the equity increase)

The thing is he has decided - he wants to be here, in the house. He has made it quite clear he is not leaving, but he doesn't want to be with me. The choices I see are: 1. stay here where I'm not wanted until he legally forces me out; 2. get out.

Are there other options I am missing??

I can't afford to rent and continue to split bills/mortgage payment so me leaving gets complicated. I think it'd require me to file for at least legal sep if not D, to get a financial agreement in place and protect myself.

Keep telling him that if he wants to talk "legal actions" then he needs to take some action (instead of moping around looking for your sympathy, F-tard!)

Do you think this is smart? Or is it smarter for me to be the one to start any legal action? He's made it pretty clear he needs at minimum a clear, full separation to figure things out (and I need the same, I'm finally realizing). I feel like waiting for him to make the move on this, or demanding that he do it, isn't the right way to go.

But I'm so confused. All advice is definitely welcome.

And thank you for pointing out how weird it is for H to be looking for sympathy from me on his decision to be with me... reading it that way I see how twisted that is.

Oldtimer
Thank you for the hug.

"Quit accepting comfort from the person who is hurting you. It really is not healthy."

Yeah... I know this.. it just feels so damn good to be in his arms, but ultimately it is making things worse on me.

A question for you (or others reading) since I know you're thinking a helluva lot more clearly than I am right now:

Take next week off. Pack a bag, your bike, and go on an adventure. Priceline hotel rooms, stay at a hostel, whatever. Don't discuss it with H. Send an email or text message once you are on the road, and then IGNORE him. Focus on yourself.

Next week off, done. I finally told my work what's going on and they were extremely supportive. Told me take next week off and not even think twice about it, and let them know if I need more time. They have leave programs and stuff that I could use.

Although the adventure sounds pretty fun, I am wondering if it would be better to take this time to work on logistics. Meet with a lawyer, start getting paperwork together, video tape the house and contents, find a place to live, and work on getting out of here. H will be at work so I'd have the house to myself all day most days.

What do you think?

I am SO glad I listened to everyone here and signed up for that prepaid legal service back in January.. had I stalled this wouldn't be covered because there's a 6 month "waiting period" for any sep/D stuff. $25 a month... should save me a fortune if this ends up in D.

[Trixi]

OMG. that is good to know regarding pre-paid legal.

Shoot; wish I would have signed up for it myself. Are you allowed any consultation of any sort during the 6 month waiting period?

Regarding what to do next week- For me, personally, I would first want to know all of my rights and then take some time to reflect while considering my options.

[fightingirish]

nikki,

Found your stitch through Jak..im so sorry what you are going through. you really need to get everything in order for yourself.. he sounds like one confused puppy.. and you need to protect yourself finacially and emotionally.

Do you have children together? I don't think I Saw that.. If not, at least you don't have that worry. That makes things even more complicated. get away, its a great idea, and your idea is good as well.. go see a lawyer and find out what your rights are.

I probably should be over in piecing but don't feel quite ready to move here, but Just wanted to extend my support and if you ever need to talk im around [e-mail].

take care..

tal

[RedHeadWife]

I say GO FOR IT -- take a little trip. Take the time for you and only you and clear your head. You can worry about all the legal crap when you get back & feel more 'refreshed.'

[NikB]

Thanks Agent99. Maybe I'll do a bit of both.. an adventure for a couple of days, and logistics the rest. I dunno. I have time to think about it.

This is the first time in my life I can remember WANTING to pack. It's weird.

On the prepaid legal - it's a benefit offered through my employer. You might check and see if you have it too. It's not always advertised well - I ran across ours by accident. Here's that info:
https://www.araggroup.com/individuals/index.htm

They do also offer individual plans (not through your employer):
https://www.aragdirect.com/LegalRx/index.cfm

Although it looks like "family law" issues may not be covered. Could be worth a call to ask though. If not, there are a ton of other companies out there. Here's more info on prepaid legal:
http://www.aplsi.org/legal/

And their partial list of companies:
http://www.aplsi.org/legal/legal_service.cfm

Be careful as I've heard there are a lot of scams in this industry, but hope you can find one that might work.