What I see, that gives ME faith, is that most people can learn to change, to grow, to forgive.
Some people stay stuck. and as long as WE, as individuals, can come to see that our existence, or purpose, is much more divine than just 'living', we can believe in some kind of divine intelligence that we are all part of. Be it 'god' or 'spirit' or 'The Force', it's still a part of who we are.
I've always found that when I try to 'fix' somebody, I become part of the problem. But when I become the 'leader' and move forward, they want to come along! When I set expectations on them and encourage them to live up to them, they do.
This only works when I don't have a fear that if I lose them, I will be broken. I won't. And neither will you.
Amy has selflessly given to many many people on this board for a long, long time. Never asking for anything in return. Sometimes she ruffled feathers, more often she helped.
She needs help now. If Amy helped you, and you want to return the favor, E-mail me for a way you can help right now in a way that will benefit her.
Are you a Christian FLTC? Sorry for the dumb question. I am not a Christian and yet I do find power in prayer or as I call it meditation, soul searching. I also find comfort in fellowship, as Christians call it. I am lucky to surround myself with pro marriage people, they may be Mormons, catholics, Pentecostal, Jew, atheists.
I just put it out here that I am pro marriage. Is that an option for you? I am also surrounded by a lot of Dear Johns, men in the service who have been left behind, and Dear Janes, women who have been cheated on by their men in uniform. I see both sides so it is not uncommon.
Many of our men have also served in Iraq and have come home different men, so their women are also giving them the boot. The military needs to give more TH for these Rs. So upsetting to me. The fall of the family is the fall of society. I totally understand why you want to keep an intact family.
I know how you feel about the pain of memories but I am lucky that I get to see my kids nightly. The day they sleep away from me is going tro rip me apart. Just know that your children love you forever. I learned that on the Oprah show last night. It is never too late to repait the damage that kids suffer in a separation.
Think positively and positive things will happen for you. Your suffering is not for nothing.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
I originally pursued when the bomb was dropped, and as some of you know, I came totally unglued and tried to check out. Am I proud of that...hell no. When I was concerned about mobilizing, I contacted an Army physician who was the smartest, kindest human being I could have encountered. He was a speical forces doctor, and had paid the price of service by giving his right arm....literally. He stated that on his special forces team, literally five soldiers had tried what I had, and went on to be mobilized in a combat zone. His words to me were: "Sometimes you break a leg. That heals. You had a totally broken spirit and that heals too".
That was during the desperation phase: calling her friends, relatives, anyone who could get me past the disbelief, to no avail. She had made her mind up.
When I returned home after my brief stay in the hospital...I had lost it...she agreed to "work on the marriage" As you may recall, I did not get better on her schedule. I was traumatized thinking I had lost everything I lived for, and almost lost my life with it.
When we separated, I would not let her see weakness. The schedule sucked. Picking S8 up from school three days or more a week while she worked, going to my "old house" feeding the kids, cleaning up, doing HW with them, and then waiting for her to arive home from wherever she was. THEN, I got to return to my one room garage apartment.
The mobilization was a Godsend. It got me out of a bad situation, and restored a lot of my confidence that I'm a damn competent officer, a good leader and as my esteemed colleague COg and a new follower MK pointed out: I'm a good man as well. I had doubted that for a long time, because of the accusations that I "showed no initiative and did not fulfill my W.s emotional needs".
I have taken a hard stand with her, and it gets her even angrier and resentful. She is really a mean human being, who has little to no self-confidence, and I beleive, as COG does, there is some instability or maybe alcohol abuse as well.
I have written to her before but probably could use some advice on how much to amp it up. I'm in great shape here. Surrounded bya whole bunch of great new friends who fill whatever down time I have, and I am always going 100 mph. I think about going home in 9 months however, and restaring the whole thing again. She has not changed her mind one bit since early August 06.
I cannot fall into pity or fear, however. You guys are right on that one. It's funny, being on the battlefield is minor compared to being rejected by a spouse. You all know this.
I originally pursued when the bomb was dropped, and as some of you know, I came totally unglued and tried to check out. Am I proud of that...hell no. When I was concerned about mobilizing, I contacted an Army physician who was the smartest, kindest human being I could have encountered. He was a speical forces doctor, and had paid the price of service by giving his right arm....literally. He stated that on his special forces team, literally five soldiers had tried what I had, and went on to be mobilized in a combat zone. His words to me were: "Sometimes you break a leg. That heals. You had a totally broken spirit and that heals too".
That was during the desperation phase: calling her friends, relatives, anyone who could get me past the disbelief, to no avail. She had made her mind up.
When I returned home after my brief stay in the hospital...I had lost it...she agreed to "work on the marriage" As you may recall, I did not get better on her schedule. I was traumatized thinking I had lost everything I lived for, and almost lost my life with it.
When we separated, I would not let her see weakness. The schedule sucked. Picking S8 up from school three days or more a week while she worked, going to my "old house" feeding the kids, cleaning up, doing HW with them, and then waiting for her to arive home from wherever she was. THEN, I got to return to my one room garage apartment.
The mobilization was a Godsend. It got me out of a bad situation, and restored a lot of my confidence that I'm a damn competent officer, a good leader and as my esteemed colleague COg and a new follower MK pointed out: I'm a good man as well. I had doubted that for a long time, because of the accusations that I "showed no initiative and did not fulfill my W.s emotional needs".
I have taken a hard stand with her, and it gets her even angrier and resentful. She is really a mean human being, who has little to no self-confidence, and I beleive, as COG does, there is some instability or maybe alcohol abuse as well.
I have written to her before but probably could use some advice on how much to amp it up. I'm in great shape here. Surrounded bya whole bunch of great new friends who fill whatever down time I have, and I am always going 100 mph. I think about going home in 9 months however, and restarting the whole thing again. She has not changed her mind one bit since early August 06.
I cannot fall into pity or fear, however. You guys are right on that one. It's funny, being on the battlefield is minor compared to being rejected by a spouse. You all know this.
I originally pursued when the bomb was dropped, and as some of you know, I came totally unglued and tried to check out. Am I proud of that...hell no. When I was concerned about mobilizing, I contacted an Army physician who was the smartest, kindest human being I could have encountered. He was a speical forces doctor, and had paid the price of service by giving his right arm....literally. He stated that on his special forces team, literally five soldiers had tried what I had, and went on to be mobilized in a combat zone. His words to me were: "Sometimes you break a leg. That heals. You had a totally broken spirit and that heals too".
That was during the desperation phase: calling her friends, relatives, anyone who could get me past the disbelief, to no avail. She had made her mind up.
When I returned home after my brief stay in the hospital...I had lost it...she agreed to "work on the marriage" As you may recall, I did not get better on her schedule. I was traumatized thinking I had lost everything I lived for, and almost lost my life with it.
When we separated, I would not let her see weakness. The schedule sucked. Picking S8 up from school three days or more a week while she worked, going to my "old house" feeding the kids, cleaning up, doing HW with them, and then waiting for her to arive home from wherever she was. THEN, I got to return to my one room garage apartment.
The mobilization was a Godsend. It got me out of a bad situation, and restored a lot of my confidence that I'm a damn competent officer, a good leader and as my esteemed colleague COg and a new follower MK pointed out: I'm a good man as well. I had doubted that for a long time, because of the accusations that I "showed no initiative and did not fulfill my W.s emotional needs".
I have taken a hard stand with her, and it gets her even angrier and resentful. She is really a mean human being, who has little to no self-confidence, and I beleive, as COG does, there is some instability or maybe alcohol abuse as well.
I have written to her before but probably could use some advice on how much to amp it up. I'm in great shape here. Surrounded bya whole bunch of great new friends who fill whatever down time I have, and I am always going 100 mph. I think about going home in 9 months however, and restarting the whole thing again. She has not changed her mind one bit since early August 06.
I cannot fall into pity or fear, however. You guys are right on that one. It's funny, being on the battlefield is minor compared to being rejected by a spouse. You all know this.
That is an amazing statement because it does feel like a battlefield at home. Sorry for the cliche Pat Benatar song but it is true. "What can compare with the the total agony of being in love?" That was the line from the little boy in Love Actually after his mother's funeral. He was more depressed aboutthe little girl in his class moving than his Mum's funeral! Maybe you feel that way because you are in a powerless sitch as if you have no choice or control over thesitch even when you come back home,but I do nt believe that is true. You do have control of your own life. We all do and we can start over everyday by making it better even if it just one goal a day. You mentioned all the good fellowship you have. Making a network or connection of people is the best thing you can do right now. Your W does sound messed up, so is mine but we are in no position to take heal them or even take them to the doctor or a TH. That is on them now. We can heal ourselves though.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
It's funny, being on the battlefield is minor compared to being rejected by a spouse.
Because the battlefield is not personal. Five years from now we could sit with a Muj and drink a cup of chi in Cario. Many of us rubbed sholders with former Soviet Military and traded jokes.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
