FLTC, You're in battle. The bullets are flying. There comes a point where you throw the friggin book away, and do what you have to to survive and win. Let your instincts take over.
The time to stop pursuing your W, is when the pursuit actually drives her further away. Ultimately, women love to be pursued, they're made to be pursued, and men to pursue. That's how we're wired. They want us to cross a river of fire, just so they can tell us they're not interested. That's life.
But there's a huge difference between pursuing a woman, and letting her crap on you. You can pursue, and during the pursuit, not allow yourself to be a doormat.
For example. You show up at her place with flowers. She scowls at you and tells you to stick them where the sun don't shine. You, unphased, tell her it's not okay for her to be such a bitch to you. Gently take your flowers and leave. See her the next day, smile, and act like you gave them to a better looking woman who had sex with you all night.
Here was my turning point. It happened while we were separated. W and I took the kids to Mass on the grass that our church was putting on. Basically we had our Sunday service in the park. So, I brought my own blanket with me because there are six of us, and no blanket is big enough. Anyway, W gets all bent out of shape about it. Gives me the ice/cold shoulder. She was offended that I brought my own blanket, like her's was'nt good enough. So we sat through and agonizing service, and I just wanted to get away from her.
I kept my cool though. Did'nt resort to the whipped pup, wimpy crap that I had become accustomed to after the bomb. So I let it go until the next day, when I composed a letter. I basically told her it wasn't OK, and that she was not to treat me that way anymore. I told her I don't care if we D or not, but that she needed to grow up and treat me with respect either way.
In the end. She knew she was wrong. She flung a few things back my way, but I just let them pass. And that was a pivotal day. She began to treat me with more respect, because I wouldn't accept anything less. I had lost my fear of D, fear of her, and she began to respond differently.
By all means write to your W. Let her know how you feel. But be prepared to also know how she feels. Be prepared to accept her, love her, support her, just the way she feels. You should not allow her to treat you with disrespect, but you should not expect her to fill the void, the neediness, and take away the fear and anxiety that YOU have. That's YOUR job!
She's going to feel what she feels, say what she says, but don't let it change YOU!
I did share some very deep thoughts with my W, all along. I think that is imperative. You haven't pursued your W, probably since the bomb, and hows it working for ya? That's the question you have to keep asking yourself. Is this working? If the answer is NO, then try another stratedgy.
It's a game man. A game for life and death. YOU write the rules, YOU call the plays. It aint over yet!
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
