Bad talk tonight (or well, inevitable maybe, but bad from a DB perspective).
Finally talked about the "elephant in the room" and basically...
H: I told you this a year ago, can't believe it's another year. I don't love you, I never have. I care about you and always have. But I'm not in love.
Me: I understand. I feel like love is a choice, one thing I've learned this past year. If I choose to love you, I do. This last week honestly, I've chosen not to.
H: I feel that. But it's not a switch.
Me: It's weird to see it as a choice but I think it's so true.
H: It's not a choice (loooong silence and finally...) I care about you, but I don't love you, I never have.
More talk about where we are and H says "we wouldn't be here if I was true to myself, I was just too passive."
.... soooo much back and forth. Mistakes on all sides but especially me asking what's wrong with ME, is it ME making him unhappy?? No... but if he found true love it might just fix it and make him happy.
Kinda a b!tch about the texting.. I said "Well it's gotta help all those young girls stroking your ego" - he shook his head no and said "No, there's no one waiting for me. I'll probably end up alone."
He went to bed saying thankfully there's no elephant roaming the hallays... meanwhile I can't sleep...
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
