Right now, she can date whomever she wants. She is single. You know this.
I mentioned in my original post that there's a lot more to this story. Although she has been single since May of '06, we had managed to stay on pretty good terms during most of that time. As in she let me sleep at her place (usually on the couch) for several months of the past year. Although I have an apartment, she knows how I hate living/being alone. I helped out a lot financially and with the kids, so she was tolerant of my need to be near my family.
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...Why are you pushing her so much? Try to understand her feelings, and her side.
Until a couple months ago, she had not expressed any interest in dating anyone. Yes, she is divorced; and yes, I'm quite aware that she can date whomever she wants. That didn't stop me from panicking when I found out about her online profile. (I was confused as to what had brought about her sudden decision to drop me completely from her life after 18+ years.)
The point at which I really fell apart was when I discovered her out-of-town "sleepovers" with a guy she hardly knew. Think about it: that was the first time in about 20 years that either of us had been physical with anyone but each other. Wouldn't that shake a lot of guys up? Unfortunately, I broke down while sleeping over at her place one night. I must confess that I didn't handle that well a'tall (as Andy Griffith would say).
She called her new lawyer/lover as soon as I had left. He gave her specific legal advice about how to keep me away from her, which included calling the police immediately to file a harassment complaint. I have two problems with that: 1) it is clearly a conflict of interest for him to give legal advice to his new lover in order to rid himself of a romantic rival. I confirmed this by checking the rules of professional conduct on the Alabama Bar Association website. I should have filed an ethics complaint, but I decided that, in the long run, it would probably do nothing to make me more attractive in my XW's eyes--although it would have made me feel vindicated at the time. 2) His advice caused my XW to perjure herself in order to slander me. She claimed that I represented a physical threat to her and our kids!
I tried to reason with her in the days before the ex parte hearing. I told her that it would cost me over $3000 to hire an attorney to represent me. That's $3000 that would not be spent on either of our kids' tuition, or to pay off our daughter's braces. What a colossal waste of money she cost us! Initially, she expressed some willingness to drop the complaint. But, evidently she allowed herself to be overruled by either OM or her divorce attorney. (I wonder how much my XW had to pay for her day in court?)
That was what started my series of long, defensive, accusatory emails--several of which she forwarded (with her added commentary) to two guys she was dating as evidence of how "obsessive" I had been to live with. I defended myself against her bogus harassment accusation by reminding her that I have no criminal record. I have lived a "clean" lifestyle: I don't smoke, drink, curse, gamble, do drugs, covet my neighbor's expensive cars or cheat on my wife. Neither do I engage in any kind of violent behavior. (She once complained to her father that I had "thrown a pillow at her". Actually, I threw it against a wall before slamming the door on the way out. That's the extent of my violent tendencies.) I also took advantage of the opportunity to remind her of incriminating email that I had discovered seven years ago which definitely implicated her in at least an EA, if not PA.
There's a lot more muck to be raked, but you get the point. We each made a lot of accusations, and instead of backing off before things had gone too far--as had happened in the past--we just kept pouring it on.
I wish I had been wearing a shock collar, but now the damage is done. I am praying that it isn't irreparable this time. [The hard part about this situation is that I really believe my XW knows that I'm a much better mate for her than her OM--or any of the other guys she has dated/is dating. Trust me--I have been through hell for & with her over the years without complaint.]
A successful man earns more than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who marries such a man.Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
