MK, I have seen my H going in this direction for a while. Since he has started working at the high school, he has become more and more like the students he teaches in mannerisms, language, and interests. Sometimes it was almost comical, then scary, because when we would argue, he started talking "Gangster" style. The first time he started with the hand gestures and language, I started laughing. I couldn't continue the arguement, I mean discussion. However, later it just got plain disrespectful. It was pointless. I was dealing with a teenager, not an adult.
MK, how are you doing? Do you have a current thread?
Neph, I wish I could talk to you if I weren't such a shy paranoid freak because I can never tell when you are being serious or funny, but You crack me up when you describe your H!!! I am laughing so hard picturing your H talking all Gangsta in the teacher's lounge or to your baby!!! What a joke because mine does the same thing!!! He totally wears big sunglasses and wears his wide collars stiffly up and , this is the worst, STRUTS when he walks! Like a gangsta limp??? whaaaa???
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
no, lwb. No mention of anything. It was like none of it ever happened. We're right back where we started.
Continue making deposits into the Love Bank. sometimes it really does feel like two steps forward ten steps back-or even more! But what you had was way more than a glimmer of hope. You had some real confirmation of true remorse and attraction. believe it. he is confused and that is a good thing. Mine is resolute and that is a stubborn ego thing. Powerful emotions of negativity. Difficult to combat. Your H is melting.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Hi everyone. Been busy. Thanks, as always for your support. I'm trying not to go crazy. I'm not succeeding very well. I notice that when H regresses, I tend to as well. We both fall back into old patterns. I guess this is the dance of change. It takes time and tenacity to really make progress.
I don't know if H is melting. I think it was just a passing whim. I have regressed to driving by the school for the last 2 days. He has been there, sitting with OW. I wish he would at least put some extra hours in while he's there to finance his new life style.
I read "Break Free from the Affair". I was discouraged because I think I am dealing with a "My marriage made me do it" type, which the author states has a very low chance of the M surviving. I do also se very strong elements of the "Revenge" type with a little mix of "Desirability" type. It becomes very daunting when I look at it this way (more than it already was).
I got my new cabinet doors installed today. The apartment looks better than ever. I make my bed everyday now (I hardly bothered before). It feels like home again. I guess that is progress too.
I wanted to chuck the camera and new PC after H was a jerk the other day, but they are still here being used so I guess that is progress too. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm not where I was either. I guess that says something.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I am with ya there! My H is also having the affair that states My Marriage Made me Do It mixed in with a little Revenge and Desirability also. But it is not hopeless considering there is DR and we can clearly see what they are going through.
How does your H have issues with Desirability? Is it because H is jealous of the baby? I wish there was a better word than jealous. I find it hard to believe that a grown man can feel displaced by a baby, but that is also what our MC mentioned and all the symptoms seem to fit?
I also read that the child centered family is responsible for a lot of modern marital strife.
What would Dr. Sears say about that? My H was so on board with attachment parenting? What did I do wrong? I guess it is all about balance.
I warned my friend who is a new mom to an adopted baby boy. She will not put the baby down for a minute until the paternal rights have expired. She is so obsessed with her miracle son that she has totally neglected her H. Friends are warning her that her H feels left out but she says, "So what! he is a grown man."
Last edited by mkultra; 10/12/0703:45 AM.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
neph, its nice to have things look good. the new cabinent doors must look so nice! I swear I re-arranged/changed around everything I could during the first couple of months. and I finally bought new bedding. our old stuff was from our wedding 10 years ago...H picked it out, I never really liked it very much, and this summer it was a constant reminder of him. so I picked out/bought new stuff and I LOVE it. love not thinking of him every single time I crawl into bed. not that I don't, but its different.
I also make the bed every morning. honestly, its not something I care all that much about, turns out it was a huge pet peeve of my H's. who knew? anyway, I do now, partly because early on it was one of my 180s, partly because well, I love my new bedding.
hope all is okay. (((HUGS)))
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
My H read somewhere that it is important to make your bed each morning in order to keep structure and balance in your life. It bothered him that I didn't, but, really, he could have done it too.
I'm loving my apartment. It is starting to really feel like home again. Everything is so peaceful here with just me and the kids. No drama here in the dark.
I am swamped with work, but I will get back on later to check on everyone and provide my analysis of my H's affair. LOL For some reason me providing an "analysis" sounds really funny.
Have a great day everyone.
Last edited by nephartiti; 10/12/0706:22 PM.
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
hey neph.. just checking on you .. its great that you are loving your apartment.. I know.. Even though my H is here, he's away a lot.. I get lonely but towards the end its ok because there's no hassles or arguments..
Hang in there..
tal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I have been having these episodes of pure rage lately. I just have this overwhelming desire to F up his world. I am struggling with this enormous urge to call OW and say "I just called to wish you sweet dreams. I hope you think of the family you helped destroy and the two small children that go to bed every night without the father who abandoned them. Oh, and please tell my husband I said thank you very much for the new camera and computer. That was very generous of him."
Petty, I know. I am not always above petty things, but this one might get a restraining order slapped on me? Probably not very DB either right?
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
hi neph. I have periods of anger and rage too. Its normal. Its ok to think those things. When is the last time H called you guys? He is really missing out on the kids.
Hope all is well. Enjoy your quiet apartment, just think, no eggshells to walk around.
