Just found out that OW has a kid!!

[Ophelia]

I hope you didn't send H the little reminder email about D. Unless you want one why send it? It makes it sound like you want the D, and by not sending it you are allowing him time to figure out if he really wants OW or not.

I did end up mentioning it. Tacked it onto the end of the last email I sent him as a PS. I mostly used the wording that Strange had suggested, just a couple of very minor changes. I really felt the need to say something, because I was afraid he would be under the impression by now that I'm pro-D, so I wanted him to know where I stand. I tried not sound like I was pursuing, but rather saying that things were working just fine the way they were.

I really think your best bet is to be as dark as possible and let him figure out if the situation with OW is so great.

How much darker can I be though? We haven't seen each other or actually spoken since Christmas Eve last year, that's almost an entire year! I sent him a Bon Voyage card and included a little note about how I'd like to actually see him when he gets back so I can hear all about his Africa trip and see his photos. I haven't asked to see him since the end of January when I had my freakout after he told me about OW and I wanted a face to face meeting, even if it was with a C, so I could get the truth of what's going on.

After that I backed right off, and we didn't start having regular email contact again until my dad had a health scare several months back. I told my ILs about it, and they told H, and he emailed me to say he hoped my dad was OK, and that kinda kicked the communication off again.

I usually leave it about a week before I reply to his emails so as not to appear like I'm sitting here waiting for his replies with baited breath. Apart from the "please no D" stuff, I haven't brought up anything R related since we've been emailing again.

I can't get much more distant, or much more dark, I don't think.

Living with her and the child may lead to a huge wake up. The relationship is no longer in the fantasy phase, now it's time for reality. I'd give that some time.

It's probably coming up to his and OW's one year anniversary soon. I don't know exactly how long they've been together, but I think it's mid-Nov sometime. I've got no idea how long they've been living together.

I personally think it's okay to snoop, or be aware of what's going on, as long as you don't read too much into everything, don't pull stuff out of porportion, and just think of it as informational. Basically I like to avoid surprises, but it's important not to make ASSumptions.

I was on the forum he posts on earlier today. One of his buddies, (who used to also be one of my friends) has started a thread on there to document his trip to Africa. He actually titled the thread something like, "Let's follow his mid life crisis adventure every step of the way", which did make me laugh.

Anyway, I opened the thread and there's a whole itinerary for his trip in there, and right in the first post were a couple of photos his friend took of him at the airport right before he left. I just sat and stared at them for a couple of minutes. The friend is posting regular updates, including transcribed txt messages they've been exchanging.

Actually, I had a weird moment yesterday. H had left for Africa on Wed. On Thurs afternoon, I was on the bus. I had my elbow propped up on the edge of the window, and the sun glinted off the diamond in my engagement ring. I don't often sit and look at my rings these days, because it makes me sad, but I'm still wearing them....

Anyway, for the first time in however long I was sitting there looking at my rings, thinking of my H, wondering if he arrived in Africa safely, hoping he was having a good time where ever he was....

The bus had stopped to let some people on, but I wasn't paying attention, because I was looking at my rings. Then, when I looked up, someone had gotten on the bus and was sitting 2 seats in front of me and of all the people who could have gotten on that bus and sat right in front of me when I was wondering if H had arrived in Africa safely, it was an African!

That gorgeous, dark chocolate coloured skin. Almost bald, but for that thin, black fuzz. And wearing a shawl with a tribal African print. I very nearly went and asked them what country they were from, and if they had have said Tanzania, (where H was headed) I probably would have fainted.

Some (most) would call it coincidence. I call it a sign that yes, H had arrived safely in Africa, so I sent off a "Thanks for letting me know" to the big guy in the sky.

That doesn't mean he won't file for divorce. I'd be mentally prepared for that one. But don't remind him! Don't be a "MOM" to him. It sounds like he's living with a "mom" (and it's not even his own child!). That type of situation generally loses its charm after awhile.

I've run through the scenario a million times where he tells me he's filing for D. One of the things I both love and hate about being a Piscean is that we're blessed with overactive imaginations. I've played it all out in my head: "I'm filing for D because OW is pregnant and we're going to get married and live happily ever after." But as many times as I've imagined it, I don't think it'll make it any easier to take if I actually do hear those words one day.