Nothing to report realy other than I am feeling depressed again and am struggling to break out of it. I have had little contact with W other than a quick hello when I got home yesterday .
I think a bit has to do with lack of sleep ( been waking at 3.00 am ) and the general crossroads I feel that I am now at. I get time when I realy miss my W and sad when I think that its likely that we will end up going separate ways. Then into a spiral of lack of confidence , etc .
I need to pull myself out of this and get back to working on my Goals , Highs and lows are normal , how do I get back to where I was just a couple of days ago? I will do it tommorrows another day.
Dave, My nutritianist recommended eating more fish for stress (esp. high fat like salmon). This would go great on the grill with a nice NZ white wine.
As Cliffy recommends, take a few deep breaths, grab a pen and write down all of your blessings. They are many! This makes a huge difference in my outlook when I am feeling down.
If you are having a hard time, re-read my first paragraph. You live in heaven on Earth. Have some great kids, your health, a long life in front of you, etc. etc.
If this R with your W does not work out, you will still have all of those things and the opportunity to LIVE a new life in the years that come!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Its easy to forget how lucky we are, right in the middle of orchards , farms and vineyards next to the sea. Its only snowed here once in the last 11 yrs but the mountains are only 2 hrs drive away, Infact there is nothing too far away in this country , you can drive coast to coast in half a day.
Oh yeah a traffic jam is 4 cars banked up at the lights LOL
Wow, your whole country must be only a bit larger than Long Island!! We have nice beaches, but it would take me 45 minutes to drive 15 miles to get to work--gave new meaning to "parkway." That's why we moved. Now, I am at the foot of the Berkshire Mountains, within driving distance of NYC and Boston. We have the four seasons that you see in all of the calendars--right now, the trees are starting to change into their blaze of color. Have you ever visited here?
I once had the chance to study in NZ one summer (my summer)...but it was very early in my M, and couldn't imagine being away from my H for that long.
I hope to visit there some day. So much more to life ahead, isn't there?
W was at home Sat night and told me she was going to her sisters over the long week end , I asked if she was taking D with her to which she said no why should I ?( in an annoyed manner ). Now a bit of background , trips to her sisters have in the past been a front for her A and a means to do whatever. I was real tired and just said " I am not thick you know" . To which she stormed out of the house. mmmmm.
The next day when she came to pick up D she didnt hang about but did leave a letter for me. It was full of anger , saying what I had implied hurt her and that I was making her decision of whether to return home or not easy and some other stuff about how I get to do what I want etc.
I sat on this for a while and just sent her a message saying that I was sorry and I understand . Left it at that for now.
What do I make of that ? Remember none of this stuff has been discussed with her yet. , firstly I didnt know she was considering returning , and what makes her think its her decision alone?
How is anything going to work if she cant let me make the odd mistake and have doubts without threats.
Now when she was having an A these threats were what she used when I expressed my worries ( a good defence being an offence).
I would like to tell her this stuff but feel like a little kid who wants a toy but thinks he will never have it , The little kid is naughty and his parents tell him they were going to give him the toy but now they are not.
While I would like to discuss all this with W now is not the time its back to my Goals.
I have to say it has affected me though , and I am annoyed that I have let it.
Ugh, the way they play with us. She might have thrown that out there just to see how you would react...
When I wrote that, I was thinking of the letter, but then stepped back and thought, maybe this applies to the "trip to her sister's" as well...you reacted just as she expected you would. They are afraid to think about coming back, when they assume that we will mercilessly judge them. But it does go to the whole mind-reading thing.
Sounds like you may have to refresh some of DR...if it bothered you, you are probably still hopeful for some kind of chance with her.
Dave, this all sucks. But you are one of the most level-headed people here that I know. Next time it comes up, do the As If and wish her a good time. Hang in there, friend...
I was real tired and just said " I am not thick you know" . To which she stormed out of the house. mmmmm
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I was tired on Saturday & said something similar Dave. Shouldn't surprise me that we seem to make the same moves at the same time, but it still does!
I also got the same sort of response, "See, this is why I can't come back, you just can't keep from talking, can you?"
I think you have something there, it's the offensive posture so that we're placed in the defensive one.
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How is anything going to work if she cant let me make the odd mistake and have doubts without threats.
I think that's the whole idea, as long as she hasn't made the decision to reinvest, the occassional mistakes are useful as a buffer against having to make any decisions regarding that.
You handled that very well with the response to the letter, "I'm sorry & I understand", perfect for taking the air out of the exchange.
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I have to say it has affected me though , and I am annoyed that I have let it.
I'm with you on this today Dave.
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While I would like to discuss all this with W now is not the time its back to my Goals.
Great comeback in attitude, you sure know how to get right back up quickly.
