I don't know if I should continue to DB.

[forward]

I am feeling almost as if I should give up.

Had DB session, mediation session, and conversation this evening.

H says he does not want to be with me, does not want to give me any hope, and that I should let go. Wants me to discuss D.

I said I don't want to discuss D and that while I take responsibility for my role in the situation, it is H's solution to the problem, not mine. That I had wanted to work on things.

I said I don't blame him for feeling as he does because as our life for a time was very difficult and had a lot of things happening that were difficult. I said D is the typical easy route that most people take (H seems to think that he is super cool rebel for getting D). I said that I could understand wanting a big change and in some ways I was glad that he made one, though not of the type I would have liked.

He does say he is sympathetic, that I was a good wife and he was lucky, that I can always call him, blah blah. Does not much mention OW as if she is a factor...only a tiny bit.

Doesn't know what to do since I don't want to agree to D. Said we will talk more.

I don't know if this talking is good. DB counselor seemed to think it is moving in the right direction. Certainly there is less hostility and maybe even some concern for me that was not there before.....

Jeeziz, I don't know what to do.

[forward]

That said, I do have a referral to a L.

[kissak]

So sorry Breton, he might be saying all of this to make himself believe it. I remember telling my H that I didnt even miss him anymore, just to make myself believe it.

Keep standing. You will be ok.

[forward]

Well, if I can look for a sliver of hope, it is that he is kinder, he has said and continues to say positive things about me.

It feels as if this has been pushed to the crisis point via DB on purpose, and we are actually talking. I don't know about what I am hearing though. =(

[inmyplace]

Jeeziz, I don't know what to do.

Nothing. You do nothing.

You don't want a divorce, ergo you do not have to talk about it. If he wants it, he can go get a lawyer, file and have you served. Then you do what you have to do. But you don't have to do anything. You've said your peace. Now back off. Nothing you will say is going to make a difference. He has to come to his own conclusion should he decide he wants to be with you. Live your life the best you can. That is it. It is out of your hands. Now concentrate on the things that are in your hands.

And breton, that is not giving up. That is letting go.

IMP

[forward]

IMP, I think you are right and that is likely good advice.

But he still wants to talk. He was here for the longest time talking w/me.

I think maybe the next thing is something like "I can't stop you from doing what you want to do. I hope you won't do it and I will be here because I care, but I can't stop you."

Barring any backing off from him, I have the name of an attorney, grin.

I have to confess: part of me wants to kick his butt in a legal battle. Also, part of me just wants to kick his butt.

I suddenly realized that I *am* competitive. We both are. And this is part of the problem.

And I guess with that statement, I will have officially dropped my weapons.

[inmyplace]

breton, I am a little confused.

In your first post, you said:

H says he does not want to be with me, does not want to give me any hope, and that I should let go. Wants me to discuss D.

Then you said:

But he still wants to talk. He was here for the longest time talking w/me.

I know you also said something about him being sympathetic, but it feels like something is being left out. There had to be more.

IMP

[forward]

No, that is pretty much accurate and paradoxical as it is.

No, he doesn't want to be with me. But he left saying he wants to talk more. I just think it's to try to persuade me for D but we did talk about things that needed to be said.

That said, I do think I need to cut the R talk and say what I said in previous post.

[inmyplace]

I just think it's to try to persuade me for D

I do tend to agree with you.

I do think I need to cut the R talk and say what I said in previous post.

Yes. Short and sweet.

Good luck.

IMP

[Jeanette1120]

Hi Breton!

Let me ask you a question. What do you want to do?

He seems to me as if he is trying to be the "nice" MLC'er., or whatever he is going through.

You have a choice. You can plant your feet firmly in the ground and say "No Way", this is what you want, you do the work. (meanwhile do your homework) stay focused, stay still. Stick to what you say and mean it! If he wants "change" give it to him. But try and look back at what "change" he is referring to.

Keep your cool, try to visualize the change he is speaking of and go from there. All hope is not lost, he is still willing to talk to you.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jeanette