Well keep pouring it out here. It's okay to feel negative and at times everyone does (even over long periods of time). That's real life.
When things seem dumpy do some nice things for you.
Try not to worry too much about how he's parenting the kids. Some men are just not great in this department. As long as the 4-year-old is safe and not out getting kidnapped or dodging cars on a highway it's not too bad. I understand about those adult movies. When the Matrix first came out my husband would watch it almost every day and my son at around 6 or so could recite almost every line from it and wanted to be called Morpheous!
One good thing.... the kids are in the same house with you and you don't have to worry about OW keeping them entertained. That's positive!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
