Hiya SD, I honestly wonder if H was trying to do the right thing here, but just communicated it very poorly. As somebody said above, maybe it would be a good idea to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sure, you want H to take responsibility for this decision - but as you also pointed out, this decision has major implications for YOU. Involving you in the decision-making process is a great idea - cutting you out of it would be very disrespectful. Let's imagine he had approached you a little differently - how would you be responding?
Originally Posted By: H
SD, you know I have been unhappy at work, and I would like to make a change. You know, a change like this would be scary to anyone - I would really appreciate your reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and your support. I know that changing jobs could have a big impact on our finances, so I want you to help me think through the implications - I would not want to miss something important that could end up putting us in a bind.

You're an amazing woman, and you have shown that you are leaps and bounds ahead of me in the area to "reinventing yourself". I could really use your guidance and counsel to help me take this big step.
You've been encouraging H to step up to the plate and do some growing of his own - maybe that's what this is, darlin'! Let's face it, even a crummy job has a lot of inertia and comfort zone wrapped up in it. If he's voluntarily sticking his toe in the water of making a big life change, don't scare him off - encourage the h3ll outta him! ACT AS IF he had phrased his question to you the way that I wrote it above - offer him suggestions for how to begin his job search. Does he want to stick in the same field? Does he want to go off in a totally new direction? What does he enjoy about his work, and how can he find more fulfillment in the next job? You have shown us all that you have an enormous amount of fantastic advice and insight to share with other people - share some of it with him. Pump up his confidence, so he'll be fired up to go through with this.

After all, this could be an opportunity for him to stretch and grow, make new friends, and enjoy new experiences. Maybe it will make him a happier, more fulfilled person - and isn't that a huge part of what you want him to bring into your relationship?

Thread #10
22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07
Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!