I've not been on the board in so long, it is amazing. I have peeked in every now and then to see how folks are doing. I will have to update, so much has been going on, it seems, and I still do struggle with issues from the a. all that is complicated by the fact that monster still works here where H and I do, and I suppose it will ever be so.
It's been tough to deal with my brother's death on top of all the other stuff. But that is life, always a process I've come to realize.
I don't think I ever posted about it, but 2 weeks and 1 day after my brother died, D had a baby girl. Darling baby girl, doing well, she's 4.5 months now, and the apple of her dad & mom's eyes. SCARY stuff though, D had toxemia the last 3-4 wks, and the dr. for some reason let it go on and on...D was very ill, on the verge of convulsions and heart failure before they finally delived the baby. All's well that ends well, as they say, but one day I realized that in the space of 364 days we came very close to losing not only my brother, but S15 and D and GD. I can't imagine; thank God didnt have to.
soooo....sitch with H. I worry that he is slipping back into his depression, and sometimes he seems distant and withdrawn and irritable. it's doubly hard because that's how he was when the a with monster was hot, and it really triggers a lot of anxiety for me.
We have had our good moments though...but there is so far that I want us to go, and I'm still not sure how to get us there, or how hard to push when he seems to have such "swings" still.
We did celebrate our Ann. just before my brother died, and the year before he had refused to...(tip off the a was back in swing); commented to the waitress that we were "doing great" when she asked how long we'd been married. Recently we were at an hotel overnight, and he left a conference and came to the room to apologize when he realized he had hurt my feelings...that I saw as a big milestone... But still after all this time I get discouraged that there is so far to go; I have hardly heard from him at all be email today, and that always makes me anxious.
I'm sure there's more, but am trying to reform from my novel-writing ways. will try to check in on folks, and may need to start a new thread I suppose, I see this one is way more than a year old, a big change from when they used to lock in a week in the throes of the a.
