That's natural to be worried about surgery. It's always a little frightening. But you are soooo strong. You've made it through so much. I have faith in that.

Uh... PMS.... I had that the other day. My H and I were driving to a birthday party and I turned into super bit@h towards the end of the drive. We argued, things deteriorated, and I even STUPIDLY said stuff like, "Well, you never got angry at HER? But you get angry with me." And then he gets that ???? look, realizes I'm talking about OW and says, "How come you need to rub my nose in that?"

So we both stopped talking for awhile and I finally turned and said, "That was so stupid of me to get mad about about absolutely nothing. I'm really sorry." And he said, "Hey, I'm sorry I got so mad and yelled at you." (He didn't actually yell, he just rasied his voice).

Anyhow, we were fine after that. We both made up and had a great time. The next day I realized my crankiness had been a bit of PMS. So... perhaps you are PMSing? I never pay attention to my cycle. Although it would probably good if I did.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.