Update: I want to Salavage my Marriage

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

I was kind of lucky in that my wife told me to make some changes or it is over. So she has the concept of the ugly and hated Chris and she wants a new and improved Chris. However, I do think that ST is right, she is already checked-out and convinced that ugly Chris cannot change. Anything I do to the contrary only engenders acrimony.

The detaching part is the worst. It is so very counter-intuitive (especially to problem solver types). I just want to grab her sometimes and scream: "I love you and let's fix this leaky ship." But I won't, becuase the advice and conventional wisdom (aquired through here and the DB books) tends to indicate that would not be productive.

I do think we are in a better spot than 6 months ago. She is spending more time with me and the kids and actually wants to "put in an effort." I just stay cool, do my DB thingie (technical, academic verbiage - look it up), and dodge the bullets.

One final thing for this post: Thank you all very much for your continued guidance, support, advice, and best wishes. Who would have thought that this board would be such a blessing? Many have been great, most all productive and helpful, some frustrating, some not so helpful, but ALL very much appreciated. It is good to have so many thoughts and prayers; keep it up!

Best,
--Chris