Thank you for your posts. I'm going to read them several times over (even leave this window up for later, when I don't have a 'net connection during downtime at work, so I can read them). You've given great advice, and I really need to let it sink in.
I won't be mailing the letter.
I think that there are two things that are making this very difficult for me:
1) From November 5, 2001 to September 14, 2007, we saw or talked to eachother almost every single day. Even during summer-separation at college, we called daily, even if just to say "goodnight".
So, when W left, and we pretty much have no contact except for 1 day a week, it's such an abrupt absense it's like the suction of a large ocean-liner sinking. I try not to panic at that thought, but it's testing my resolve a lot
2) I'm a writer. The rambling length of my posts sort of reflects this. As such, I have a wonderfully and terribly (over)-active imagination. Normal folks minds deluge them with all the possible problems or things their spouse might be doing. I see them in vivid technicolor, with scene setting and dialogue (including mental talks w/ W about R stuff and material things).
In addition to that, I'm a gamer/roleplayer, so that adds to the "imagination factor".
Essentially, I have to regularly kick my brain in the ass to get it to stop churning out total crap - or, things that are almost certainly total crap Example: she's found another guy and wants to ditch me fast; totally unlike her, so I shouldn't expect it. But, here I am, seeing a guy who's taller and more physically toned then me. Stooopid gray-matter.
She's not the type to intentionally hurt me. So I need to stop thinking she will.
And I need to buckle down with the patience. And the GAL - which will become gobs easier if I get the job I interviewed for. heh. I really need to get that job, especially after this week at work. *shudder*
Seriously, guys, thanks. I really appreciate it.
-MM
p.s. for some really cool wedding costumes (we did a period wedding) check my link in my sig. . . I put it there for something of a reminder of what I'm fighting for, after I saw a similar link Nugget's sig, and I really liked the idea.
