thank you for making me laugh my little "canuknuckle" head! It's so exciting to have a future to think about, and with a guy as great as YOU! whew! I know some guys who'd love to have that relationship with you too but that's another thread.

Wow, there I was feeling nobody reads my posts, Poor Pitiful Me, etc only to find folks waiting with baited breath...thanks guys!

OK, I am tired and am thinking about the 48hr rule: ie - when you don't know what to do, do nothing. I talked to spouse on phone re some home logistic things and then she sent me an email about how great D is and their voyage to school today etc. I answered and agreed about how great D is and also said:
I have not really said anything about our email/conversation from Monday but I take it very seriously and am not by any means ignoring you.

that's it and I'm not initiating any more communication today. I need to do some reading and writing and thinking about what I WANT out of a R. I read a book that said sometimes we find out where our limits are in these situations. When reestablishing things it's good to be clear that we have "learned" that we find certain thins unacceptable and to mention that now that we have the knowledge, certain activities can no longer be tolerated. So, given that:

I want monogamy. (seems a given doesn't it but...) I want monogamy for life or the life of the R, which ever dies first. If there is no M there is no R.

I want to feel comfortable being myself. Spouse is on some level ashamed of my boisterousness and that is HER problem, not a fault in me. Co-dependent No More! I will work to be the best ME I can be but that does not include tamping myself down to keep spouse happy. In reality, for all her "spirituality" I am a much stronger person than spouse.

I want to work on ME and I want spouse to work on HER and I want us to work together on US...it's all work and I want someone willing to invest. It doesn't mean drudgery, it means investment, even in some things you don't THINK you will enjoy, like self analysis and healing and dealing with your past and how it molds your future. If we did that we just might get reconnected.

I firmly believe that D is not best for children unless someone is being "abused". I want D to see a HEALTHY equal relationship and have something to emulate later in life. Not the typical "oh the going got hard so I got going" mentality that is prevalent.

I'm too tired for this, went bowling last night...let's hear from some of the rest of you. Opinions?

I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it.
Stubby