I used to get irritated and snap back. Then I went through a phase where I just avoided him. After I stumbled on DB a couple of years ago, I tried the validating and listening angle.
Lately, I just want to get away from it.
It seems like it snowballs, and then he's mopey for hours or even days over the littlest things. I feel like cringing or running away.
But here's where I'm confused. I know xh has had anger issues. I also know that I'm extremely sensitive, and, when in the mood, can blow things way out of proportion. So I don't always trust my gut. That's not to say my feelings aren't important...I've just acknowledged that I'm sensitive, it's good and bad, and I don't always have to react on that.
So, today, xh dropped me off at work. I had agreed we could leave at 6am--and I am not a morning person. He told me to be at his place by 6:10. I got there at 6:15. The baby had spent the night alone with him for the first time in months...and immediately wanted to nurse. He was fussing and complaining. I looked at xh, and asked if it would be okay to nurse him for a minute.
He huffed, looked at the clock, and said "Might as well." He would comment every couple of seconds or so, things like "If I cancel my class, it will cost me money." And, "When I say 6 AM, it's for a reason. You are always late."
We leave a couple of minutes later. (With a happy, sleepy baby.) I get the kid buckled in, and he takes off before I'm buckled. Gee, thanks. I wasn't just in a car wreck. He looks at the gas gauge, makes an exaggerated sigh, says we won't make it to my job. Then he pulls into a gas station and just turns off the car, not moving. So I go in and pay for the gas, then get back into the car.
He drives me to work...
Doesn't say anything as I get out of the car. He drives off quickly.
When I get to my desk, I check the clock. It's 7:15. When we discussed what time to leave last night, he had said if he were done dropping off me and the baby by 7:30, that would be fine.
I know I'm taking some of it too hard. He was checking his watch a lot on the drive up, and I was just cringing every time. And I'm pretty sure he was doing and saying some things to make me feel more guilty. (Although, granted, that is an assumption.) I am okay with feeling badly about it.
All of that is irrelevant. How do I handle this?? I'm not sure how to respond. I know there's some secret response that I'm supposed to mind-read that he doesn't realize he's not communicating effectively to me. I've gathered that from previous arguments. (He'd yell things like "Why don't you try to make it up to me?" Which would leave me confused...)
I suspect, even though he's volunteered to help me out, and keeps saying he doesn't mind, he's still feeling either over-extended or taken advantage of. But that's just a guess.
