"I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man I didn't trust or was unwilling to trust because it wouldn't be fair to him"
How about because it would be crappy for YOU?
The whole marriage thing is very puzzling to me. My lady friends and I were discussing this at dinner last night. Something about "being married" sets up a bunch of expectations that are very hard to dodge.
I don't know if my bf would "want" to marry me. I haven't asked him because frankly I don't want to hear the answer, good or bad. I don't want to marry primarily for financial reasons, but if those were not an obstacle, would I marry my bf? I don't think so. I like the amount of freedom I have. I like the lack of expectations (now that I've sort of let go of the standard ones). I don't think he has ever had expectations of me... which has an upside and a downside. I'm probably more detached than most women within a relationship. My age is part of it. At 22 and 40 I did very much want to marry. At 58.9-- not so much. I don't have it all figured out...
ETA: Even at my age, I can imagine marrying IF I felt absolutely positive about the R the way I did about my late H. With him, I never had a moment's doubt that we should marry before we did, nor while we were married, in spite of all the health issues.
The guy I dated before him was more like this current R-- CONSTANT doubt, never being sure, always wondering if I should be here. When I met my H and things fell into place, I said to myself, "Oh, this is what it is SUPPOSED to feel like." So when I met my bf and was riddled with doubt (and still have some doubt), I totally ignored the lesson. Go figure.
