Is it time to cut him off?

[Trixi]

Putting pressure on him, guilting him into it, etc. are not the key... you'll never feel loved, cherished, or wanted if you "get it" that way.

Nikki, you are so right. And yet, it's so easy to go down the path of pressure.

It might not particularly matter to *me* where I lived if we took at least 3 weeks off (no contact), but I think it would matter a lot to him. I think he is becoming more convinced that what ails him is not getting to live in the house. The only part of the scenario that does matter to me is that I run two businesses out of the house and moving them would be a major PITA and not practical for a 3 week stint....

We have private dance lessons scheduled for the remainder of the month, and two more group lessons this month. November 7th I am having that procedure done that will eliminate intercourse for 4 weeks. It appears that November should be the month of no contact. He's going out of state for Thanksgiving, anyway, and it might be easier on me to not have contact with him prior to that. (ie, no contrast between him being here and then gone on the special day.)

In the meantime, I can look at houses, maybe find a lease purchase. That would be the ideal- a lease w/purchase option, then I would know that I could buy the house in the future if I wanted. Unlike most rentals where I would know I would be moving again in the near future. It would also probably have the least financial ramifications if he changed his mind.

He told me last night that he had "stuff to do" and had asked for his text book. (Kind of implying he had homework.) He was never online last night. I think he went out. I think I pushed him and blew it and now he is back in the mode of going out trolling. Yes, I could be wrong about him going out (doesn't matter) but after he had to bring up how he was recently in a bar where the 21 yo hit on him, it appears that he is back to that scene.

To answer the question of what would I do if he disappeared-- I would sell this house and all the stupid cars and get a smaller house. Get a dog and used motorhome-- and probably work WAY too much on the weekends in an effort to feel financially secure. I would continue to take classes and I would hunker down and 'nest' in my smaller house. I am not a nomadic person and this limbo land (living in a house that would never be mine alone) is very difficult on me.