It might do you some good to browse through the "Surviving the Big D" forum. You'll find a lot of people who have moved on through D, and come out shining or at least glimmering. You'll be OK either way my brother. D is not death.
Try to stay in reality. Even though your W says she wants a D, doesn't mean she really wants a D. If she really wanted a D, she'd have filed by now. No, I'm of the opinion she's still waiting. She's waiting for you.
It's time for you to not fear her anymore. Have you ever stood up to her? Told her to shut her angry trap. When she stomped out the door, did you ever go after her, force her to come back and settle things. She needs someone to be straight with her. Her H, her kids, her friends, they're all afraid of her, so she has nobody to set boundaries for her. Sure, she's a grown woman, and shouldn't need a baby sitter, but what should be, isn't. I think you've lain in the trenches for long enough now. It's time to risk it all, push forward, and don't look back.
Don't ask her if she wants a D, please don't ask her that. Instead, ask her why she's been such and angry bitch? Ask her why she hates your ass so much? Tell her you would love to come home and screw her brains out, but you'd probably have to knock her out first. Be honest with her, brutally honest. Put her in her place. But YOU stay on top, a ferocious, fearless warrior soldier. Do not cower, do not hold back. Show her the MAN you really are. A fearless, strong, determined man, who's not about to take anymore of her crap; but who can love her like no other.
Love,
COG
PS Don't grill your kid's for info, and have faith that everything is going to work out fine, not matter what.
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
