Did you get the tongue in cheek part? Of course I'm not gonna say that - implying that him not wanting me indicates "you must have something wrong with you" is silly and counterproductive. In fact it would be ludicrous to suggest that he may have ED issues when we haven't even ML in so long. I don't think it would hurt to rule out medical but I'm sure not hanging my hat on that.
He's not generally hostile to the idea of counseling except if he thinks he's already got an explanation for what is going on. I won't be mentioning the ST right away. I am considering a phone consult first although I may send her a "case hx" to read before we talk.
RJ,
Yeah - I hope so. I read back over some Schnarch and contrary to Dom's feeling that I may be "playing games" etc... I feel certain that I am not. I have reached a sort of critical mass with this issue where my own authenticity makes me unable to play the games I had been playing before. I can meet H on a level playing field but I cannot placate, strategize, prompt, assist and otherwise "fool" my H into having sex with me. It reminds me of when MJ said that she would no longer build her H a "wheelchair ramp to her p*ssy". He's an adult and so am I. It is time to face these issues and if I only act out of my own authenticity it is bound to press things. I have gotten to the point that I do want sex but I question whether I "want" my H. It is hard to want someone who doesn't chance anything, doesn't reveal anything, maintains their own bubble.
Sounds worse than it is. I haven't given up. Maybe this is the most hopeful I have been since I am no longer relying on some mystical feminine wiles nor H's sudden realizations nor constantly supplying his love language. I am still a good W, I am still friendly, I am still responsive etc... I plan to respond if H is interested in sex on vacation but how I respond will depend a whole lot on where I am in my head and heart at that time. Yesterday was H's bday and our day was crazy busy. I got him a nice card (not overly gushy) and made a lovely surf and turf dinner (crab cakes & filet mignon). We had already done gifts and extended family celebration last weekend.
Mostly on this vacation I plan to really enjoy my kids who are growing up so fast and I just cannot believe it. The oldest has his learners permit and his first job. The 10yo is going through puberty and is typically mercurial and really needs her Mom right now.
