All hope is lost/help

[Evie]

Update - H has been making lots of arrangements to go out without me, he has been totally detached and distant, but in another way it seems and if he had lifted his head from under the sand and still wanted to be free of me & the M.

H wouldn't come out for a drink with me when I asked. I needed to talk and our house is always like a railway station at peak time

I know you guys won't agree and I have probably done the wrong thing but here is what happened last night.

H agreed to meet me for a sauna at the gym after my yoga class.

In gym and after lots of small talk later I asked him why he was avoiding going out with me. His reply was 'well it's not working is it, you asked me to stay in the house and live as friends, which I am doing, we get on great talking about work and the kids, but there is nothing left'. I said the last thing he said to me about the R was that he was looking for somewhere to live and that it wouldn't work living as friends. I reminded him that was 2 months ago and I didn't know why he was in the house as he had never said anything, that I wasn't a mind reader

I then said I wasn't happy living as friends, but I was pre-pared to go to counselling or do whatever it took to re-connect and that we had to start somewhere and we had to learn to commuicate. I said I wasn't a mind reader and that his lack of even trying to communicate showed a lack of respect for me. He said he was only staying in the house b/c he couldn't afford to move out. I said money was not a reason to stay and that unless he wanted to work on the M, i wanted him out by Saturday. I then left him at the gym, not expecting him to come back at all. He must have gone to his cave b/c he came back 2 hours later.

H has emailed me about our kitten this morning, i was tempted to delete it, but I replied.

So i've blown all the DB rules out of the window and I can't go back on what I said either. I am pre-pared to go through with this, I know it won't change his mind.

I'm sorry, I feel as if I have let you all down. You guys are my lifeline. However all family and friends were not as supportive, you can probably guess what they've all been saying.

Your Thoughts are more than welcome and feel free to rant at me.

XD