Of course you love her, but you have to understand that your wife is extremely vulnerable right now, and you being 'nice' about it could very well make matters worse.
There is nothing you can do if your wife decides to leave you. But that doesn't mean she gets to rule the M. You allowing her to do so is only going to push her away further.
No offense, but it sounds to me like you are more in the mental frame to do what it takes to 'hold your marriage together,' rather than be in a frame of mind to 'create the marriage you want.'
The latter would require some very serious 'leading,' on your part, an ability to rattle your wife's cage... run the risk of her leaving... losing the anger and resentment, and replacing them with solid boundaries... a bit of empathy, a bit of compassion.... and lots and lots of honesty.
A No More Mr. Nice Guy Attitude. Have you heard of that book? It's an awesome web site... click --> HERE to see if you can see yourself in there anywhere. If so, get the book. I know a lot of the guys on this board have read it, and it sounds to me like your wife has a lot of the tendencies as well...
For now, sex really is the least of your concerns. It is important, yes... but the lack of it is only a symptom of much more serious problems in your M.
