NikkiB #21

[NikB]

f21, Donna, Dave, jak, ST, cliffy -

Thanks, friends!!

It's funny, I expected some 2x4s... but realized after re-reading my post I kinda gave 'em to myself already, and have acted on them. Good sign, right?

Hopefully I didn't give the impression I'm giving up hope. I'm not, I'm just done working on it. If it happens, it happens.. if not, now's my time to prove I'll be ok either way. But I'm done putting more effort into it than H is. It's kind of freeing... I felt so much more relaxed since I came to that decision and really FELT it.

jak
Funny how that works, isn't it? And from what OT says if you just STAY detached instead of falling into that enmeshment, the R/M is even better. I have a hard time even picturing what that looks like, but I sure hope she's right. It's comforting to realize you can at least be ok on your own (financially and otherwise) isn't it?

ST
ha, yeah, I don't think I could've asked for better timing on running into those guys! Totally funny.

Thanks for the reminder that it's not all me, or maybe not me at all... people keep telling me that (including FIL's girlfriend who got pissed at me for taking ANY blame in the sitch). I do feel I have some blame but yeah, there's a lot more going on.

Cliffy
Aw thank you. I was thinking that, I'm glad we're all moving forward but miss some of my "commisserating buddies." Will he grow up? Maybe... his dad's 60 and apparently hasn't... so who knows.

Yeah wish you would run into an ad like that, as well! Although only when you're ready.

For "fun" today (is that an odd way to put it?) I read through the homes for sale locally.. found a couple that I really liked. Will I buy them? No... but it was comforting in a weird way to see them, know I could afford them post-D, and think "Wow that's nice, and it could be MY house!" I even found one that was horse property... wasn't realistic due to the house being a wreck, but it was just somehow cool to see it.

Tonight I went out with the women's support group and had a really good time. I was in a pretty pissy, anti-H (and anti-men in general) mood. It's something I had worried about with this group that it could turn into a bunch of man-bashing... and it was interesting, they really turned it around on me. Sympathized but challenged me to look at it from different angles. Helped me keep some perspective and some sympathy/empathy for H. It didn't really change my opinions on anything - I'm still letting go and seeing what happens at this point. But it helped me to detach while still seeing the other side, I guess you could say... and it made me feel understood without being coddled, so I appreciated that.

Feeling better than I have in quite some time, and just trying to enjoy it and keep it going.