A mediator is there to do just that, serve as a bridge between the two of you. If he/she is doing the job well, the mediator will not take sides. In mediation, they are not legally bound to either side, but to facilitate a mutually agreeable agreement.
Keep your cool, NDDT. Be prepared, but don't go in expecting both mediator and W to try to screw you.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
I am hoping that the mediator is going to act fairly. Time will tell. It is her I am worried about. I think she feels that she deserves a major reward for all her stupid decisions. I am sure that she has been advised by "friends" as to how much she will get. There are a huge amount of details to consider.
I will need to be on my toes, keep my ears and eyes wide open. I do not want to screw her over. But on the other hand, I am not going to become a doormat.
Do I trust her? Not for 1 second anymore. She has broken at least 2 contracts with me to this point. I am sure that if not outright lied to, at least been decieved by her on certain things.
She certainly does not deserve to have things on easy street while I struggle to make ends meet. She has made her decisions and now she deserves to face the outcome. Meaning that both of our standards of living will drop a bit, not hers get better while mind goes to the dumper.
It is time right now for me to definately careful in ALL that I do!!
G - try to relax a bit. This first session will most likely be taken up by the mediator telling you the process. Nothing gets set in stone. They may kind of get a feel for how you both see this working. But again...nothing is final until you sign it. You can always change your mind on things before that happens.
What you do not want to do is to go into this with a chip on your shoulder or defensive and blaming her or expecting X,Y and Z. As you said - keep an open mind. The best way to get what you want is by NOT demanding it. If you start making demands and getting agressive it will just put everyone off and make them get defensive.
This DBing 101. DBing is more than just trying to save Ms. It is about interacting with people and influencing them. Use what you have learned to get what you want.
Sure maybe it didn't save your M. But would you have had any chance at saving it if you had started demanding that she do certain things? Of course not. Be smart and stay calm.
Yes, I am in agreement with you. Level headedness and calmness need to prevail here. That is one reason I am glad that this did not go down this morning.......
You are right I am pretty wound up right now, part of the reason is I am about 2 1/2 hours out from my dental appt.
This is all pretty heavy/scary stuff. The unknown and all of that. The only thing in this first session I plan to "ask" for is for more time with my daughter. As in picking her directly after work some nights. I actually rather enjoy having them evenings to myself, but I need to get my "overnights" up to 3 more in a each 4 week period to change the slant from 40/60 to 50/50. This is mucho importante!
Anyways next time I type here, later today, I ought to be on some pretty good painkillers!! yippee
Hey man...hope the dentist appointment went as well as a dentist appointment can go.
Sounds like you have a good game plan man. Deep breaths. You WILL be ok! Hell man...I never thought I would be but I'm starting to see that if she can't or refuses to change (which is what has happenend) then I am better off without her. And I've found that there is a big beautiful world out there just waiting for me to discover it.
Wow. If someone punched me in the face right now I would not feel a thing. I had 2 teeth extracted. This might hurt some when this novacaine wears off.....that is why I already took 2 of the painkillers the dentist gave me.
"If she can't or refuses to change (which is what has happenend) then I am better off without her."
My case might be a different than yours a bit, because, you see I am an A-hole. Everything I do and have ever did is wrong. She on the other hand is about as close to the perfect person as one could find. And hey, if you dont believe me..... all you need to do is ask her!!
I am starting to catch glimpses of that bigger and better world too bud. Just need to put one foot in front of the other, day by day for now.
One thing I am kinda fighting right now, is I have almost an overpowering urge to just tee off on her. It would almost certainly have to be in note form...I wont do it......its like I cant even get the words right, and whenever I start to work on it. After about 10 minutes I ask myself, "Why am I even wasting my time on this anyhow?"
Well G...I kind of went off on my STBX on Saturday. Wasn't angry or yelling...just let my feelings be known. And ya know...I feel a whole better for it. Feel like I got some closure.
That said...you may want to wait until the mediation is done. We've got most of our "details" figured out already.
I am going to have to go after that closure myself one of these days.
I took today as a vacation day and am doing my best at just letting all of this go for the day. Just trying to kick back and relax. There will be plenty of time to think on all of this crap for the rest of weekend!
Well I am about prepared as I can be for tommorow. I do got the jitters a bit. If you would have told me a year ago that I would have to talk to my wife with a lawyer in the middle, I woulda told that you were crazy....... But well here I am.
The next best thing I can do yet tonight is get a decent nights sleep. Appointment is at 930. I plan to get up at 730 so I am good and awake. Drink lots of coffee. Review my notes, get dressed decent. Get my attitude right.
Plan on doing alot of listening, taking of notes. Try to get a feel for where she is at. Also try to determine if I can trust this lawyer. Only thing I plan on asking for tommorow is a some time with my kid. See what is going to happen next.........
We've got most of our "details" figured out already.