I know it doesn't make sense and is illogical. That's why I'm still having a hard time doing anything towards filling out the papers.
I don't want a divorce. However, she says it going to happen.
If I fill out the papers, then I will control the process. Also, if she gets a lawyer involved, she'll probably get 50% of everything. Right now she only wants what she's put into the house, 401k, etc.
By listing her as the plaintiff and me as the defendent, then SHE is on record as the one who wants the divorce.
I'm trying to make the best out of the situation and keep from loosing everything. Am I wrong to do this??
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Here's the last email she sent me. (This is the only communication we've had in probably two weeks.)
Quote:
Hi there!
Just checking in to see if you need anything from me to finalize the divorce papers and to see what you have decided with the house. If possible, I would really like to get together before I leave to discuss everything and finalize what we can.
Just so you know, per your recommendation, I am beginning a group for separated and divorced people this evening and I am seeing a therapist every other week. My thoughts have not changed as far as our divorce but I'm working through some things and learning other things about myself.
I hope you are well. If I can, I'll call you this evening to check your schedule.
I don't want a divorce. However, she says it going to happen.
Then quit making it easy for her...if she REALLY wants this then make her be the one to do it. If you get yourself a good attorney (should she actually file) then you still have a say in how things go.
Honestly, you need to let your actions match your words. If YOU DON'T WANT A D, THEN DON'T GO FILE FOR ONE.
Just because one person files, does NOT automatically mean you lose everything...you could lose just as much by being the one to file. That is why it is crucial to get yourself the best attorney you can afford to protect yourself.
Once again...IF YOU DO NOT WANT THIS, DO NOT DO IT! I can't be clearer than that. By doing this, you are letting her run right over you. By doing this you are being her doormat.
Have you gotten this info from a lawyer or are you just hypothesizing this from what you've heard?
If you don't want the D, then don't file. Period.
If she says it is going to happen, then let her make it happen.
As soon as she files, you can have your lawyer ready to go... get ready for it. Don't just hide under the covers in denial. Protect and prepare yourself, but don't do the hard work.
As of the last contact with my wife (about 2 weeks ago) she said that she had some of the papers ready for me to look at. However, she still hasn't brought them to me.
She's still living at her new home with her new dog. No new man in her life as far as I can tell. She's staying busy working a second job.
When we've talked or seen each other it's always been friendly. I don't think that either of us wants to "hurt" the other.
I really still don't know what to make of things. She says she wants a D, but then there's no action.
As for me, I'm still going to C --- mainly just the "group" sessions. I've really learned a lot and it's been very helpful. I feel good and have my "own life" now. I still miss my wife and believe that D isn't the answer. However, if she were to show up tomorrow and want to come back ... it would be hard. Hard to trust her not leave again. I would think that some serious joint C and building the relationship back up before she moved back in full time would be the route to go. But then, I don't think she's about to return, so it's just dreaming...
Any suggestions? Should I just keep waiting? Push her to come back? Push her to get the rest of her stuff out of the house?
Do you want a girlfriend? If not, there's nothing to be lost by just sitting tight and waiting to see what she does and living your own life. Unless her stuff is in your way, just leave it where it is.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
Friend, family, etc are all pushing me to get something resolved.
My C has even suggested that it may be time to move on with life. However, the C also said that she would support me in making my W do the filing. (I've been saying all along that I wouldn't file -- if she wanted a D, she'd have to file.)
I don't want the D, but living life in "limbo" really isn't good...
Well, you've told us that your friends, family, and shrink think that living in limbo isn't good. THEY'RE uncomfortable with it. THEY think they know what would be best for you. Okay. But is any one of them in your shoes?
How do you feel about it? If everyone says you should do "something," then why aren't you? Maybe because you're not ready, you're not sure what you want right now, you're waiting until you feel strongly what direction you should take?
It seems to me that until you KNOW what you what you want to do, doing nothing is a viable option. You are the one who has to live with the situation now and in the future. None of these friends, family, etc. will be in your skin and your shoes day after day.
I say wait until you feel some clarity within you. What's the worst thing that can happen if you do nothing RIGHT NOW? (Provided your financial assets are protected.)
I'm glad. You're in a difficult spot, for sure, but forcing a resolution before you're ready isn't likely to make you feel better. I feel that you will know, if and when it's time to do something.
