Let us start. With the bark on. I cannot help myself:
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he was complaining about work (again)
He is trying to share, to open up...
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"I need your permission to leave." Meaning to quit. (again)
No. He is asking your opinion. Do you consider him a quitter? If so, you have problems - with you.
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At the time I told him that totally supported him, but that the reality is that we have bills to pay.
BUT ....????
(you said BUT)...........What do bills have to do with it???
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I am not his mommy, so I am not in charge of the decisions he makes.
No, you are his W. He is asking for HELP with his decisions. He is reaching out. How will you respond??? My W never asked - I am in D court.
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He is running Away From instead of Running Towards.
How do you help him Run Towards??
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I need to sit down with him and have the conversation like I wish I'd had yesterday. Here is a list of points I want to make:
SIT DOWN??? Does that help him, or you??
List YOUR points YOU want to make? Are we being a bit controlling here??
There is a big difference between boundaries and control .. but you know that.
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I am not responsible for your decisions. They are yours to make, and I will provide my best thinking and questions to help you make your decision.
You are not responsible. Good. But can you help, without *helping* (listening skills??) I will provide "my best thinking"??????? Get out of the thinking line (Myers Briggs) and get into the FEELING. How can you EMPATHIZE with him?
Or do you feel you have to help him SOLVE his problems??? Can he not make decisions on his own?? If not, why did you M him?
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I am not responsible for your happiness. You choose your world.
Yes.....BUT.... Why the hell are you married?? He wants HELP in choosing his world. That is why you are so great. Help him, without *helping*.
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I love you unconditionally, and I will support you in any way I can to help you find a job situation that satisfies you. I want only good things for you.
Sounds kind of hollow does it not? Show him - don't tell him. If he cannot figure that you are there for him then why tell him??
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If you quit your job, we will be short $1000/month to pay our bills. We'll have to file for bankruptcy.
Does he not know that already? Is it the money SD or .....
What message are you communicating?
Men are programmed to be the bread winners. What do you think H feels when you question that???
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He can still blame me if he wants; that's completely out of my control.
Yes, but only if you do not drive him there....... Then it IS in your control...
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I know that unless I speak up, I won't be okay.
You will not be okay? Why??? *Speaking up* and communicating feelings are two different things. But you know that.
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I'm comfortable with him leaving if it comes to that.
