I was almost a WAW (and still am-- in my heart?)

[sandi2]

Possible42, I'm glad you responded to me and that you said what you did about the frustration etc. in the MR. That says a lot...for one thing, you are looking back at the part you did and what she needed at the time that may not have been emotional met. That is not to say she is blameless in her part.

I would say that at times I could be verbally abusive to my XW, also very distant and seemingly uncaring. I remembered her saying may times about how she "didn't feel the love". We argued a lot and her parents didn't like me. They also don't like their DIL and they can hold a grudge forever (it seems to run in the family). She was and always has been very close to her parents. It made it difficult for me, cause it felt like the marriage was a "package deal" that I didn't really ask for. I can only hope that her parents are as judgmental of the OM as they were of me. I know that sounds mean, but it will make her realize that the problems weren't just with me.

I can kind of identify with how you feel there with the inlaws. In my situation it was like I married the entire family and like you....I wasn't to keen on the idea. I never lived up to their expectations, apparently, and always felt like the underdog. If she had the pattern of judgmental attitudes set before her the entire time she was growing up....that will be a hard trait to break away from. She could if she wanted to badly enough. If she sees this coming from her parents where the OM is concerned....maybe it will open her eyes to your situation. I can be a miseralbe life when the inlaws are down on you.

You are doing good by not making contact and just trying to ride it out. It is going to take time, but you seem to be understanding how this thing works now. After she comes out of the MLC and the "fog", etc., you may decide you don't want her back even if she were to want to get back together with you. That happens sometimes when a man changes for the better and the WAW wants to go back home to him.....he doesn't want her any longer. Whichever way it turns out....you will be a better man and a better father to your children. I think you are seeing your mistakes with them and are trying hard to correct that now. They need a caring and loving daddy b/c this is going to be very hard on them. Try not to take your frustrations you feel toward her out on them. I know I use to do that with my own children.....so I know it is easy to do when we are upset.

Keep coming here to talk with us and vent when you need to. That will help get it out of your system. People here care about each other and we want to know how you are doing, so talk often....every day if you can.