Returning to normal activities is such a help toward feeling like a more normal person. I think I'm done talking about the accident. Talking about just makes me feel queasy and jittery again.
xh has been kind of weird the last couple of days. But I suspect it's just stress. He doesn't handle it well. Unfortunately, I was still really messed up yesterday, and was in tears, taking everything he said very personally. But I'm human, I'm allowed to get worked up, and I'm not going to feel badly for that. I suspect he was distant and weird because I was feeling needy. But I don't know.
Actually, the day of the accident he did pretty well. He skipped a class for me, and didn't resort to yelling at me or being angry with me about it. He did complain a lot about not having any time, but that's okay. He even stopped and gave me a hug when I randomly broke down and cried in Target.
I've been careful not to expect him to do the whole "Oh my god you were in an accident, I'm sorry, I realize I love you forever!" type of reaction, lol. Actually, I knew he wouldn't do that anyway. And, even though I've felt incredibly needy (as I'm sure he's noticed), I don't expect him to do anything about it.
Other random thoughts...
This past weekend (before my wreck), we had a really good time. We hung out most of the weekend. xh was even feeling something...he said he had the urge to "do something nice" or that he wanted to buy me something. It was very sweet. He also said he was resisting that urge, and was enjoying our time together "too much".
I did ask him why. I was careful not to be accusatory or anything, and tend to only talk about these things when he brings them up. I was just genuinely curious. He said now wasn't the time, and his head still wasn't clear enough for him to date anyone. I told him that was fine, and he needed to do what was best for him. And I really do mean that.
Also, I've noticed I get the insane urge to snoop when things seem to be going well between us. It's like I'm trying to find a reason to get mad at him when we move closer. sigh
He did tell me again the other day that it's too bad we won't be able to have another baby together. He would love to give the baby a full sibling--and he thinks I'm an excellent mom.
One interesting thing I've noticed. We rarely fight over the baby or how to take care of him. I actually expected more friction, since I'd always heard kids make things worse. I've been pleasantly surprised the last year.
I suspect he was distant and weird because I was feeling needy. But I don't know.
