What is reasonable and what is not?

[Startingover2]

Thanks Jak...what would I do without you.

No, we actually haven't had sex in a few weeks. Partly because of time and partly because I was on bed rest for a few days.

I am running on fear right now. Fear of the past, fear of the future. Fear and visions of me having this baby and him coming and going when he pleases, giving me a kiss, maybe an ILY and continues on his merry way. Life as he knows it wouldn't really have to change other than some child support...mine on the other hand is drastically changed.

I am 42 (yes old to be prego again) and he is 33. I have 3 teenagers from my first marriage and he has 2 preteens from his first. This baby is our first together.

We have made leaps and bounds progress since the beginning, he says he is happy, but my over active mind jumps ahead to the future.

I am also getting nervous...his cel cyle ends on Monday and I will be able to see online if he has talked or tm'd with OW. Part of me is saying not to look, but the other part doesn't want to be stupid either. I am petrified of what I will find. What will I do if I see he is still in contact with her?

I just want him to start making me feel loved, understand that when he walked out on me he broke my heart and work his a** off to fix it. Not act like he could care less.

I need a glass of wine....but will go for a walk instead.