Still standing...

[theotherhalf]

mkultra,

There is nothing in this world I want more than to have my husband to come home to me. To get the chance to make up for past mistakes. To get the chance to start a new life together. To grow old with my best freind rocking right beside me...

I just know in order for any of that to happen my H and only my H has to make the choice to come home. There is nothing I can do to pursuade him or change his mind. I am driving myself unwell watching his every move. Searching 24/7 for signs that he may be returning. Or may be getting ready to make a commitment to her.

I can't do this anymore. I am an emotional wreck. Not like it was in the beginning of this but still a wreck. I want him back so bad I can't stand it. And there is so much doubt in my mind that this will ever, ever happen.

I try to keep up my faith. I try to "believe" in H, in us. But H is sooo proud, so stubborn, and I have no idea what kind of relationship he is having with OW. I do know that it will be huge deal for him to break it off with her after all she's been through with him in this, and I have no idea how long they've been together.

Everyday this continues I feel is one day closer to losing him forever.

Lately I have really "thinking" I see signs of him coming out/around. But I'm starting to think that it's all make believe in my mind because I want it so badly.

If only I had a crystal ball...

So, no I am notletting him go because I don't want him back. I'm doing this because I don't know what else to do. There is nothing I can do.