K, I know you are in a tough spot. It seems so difficult to get around his avoidance, while making sure you're not taking the blame. The situation reminds me so much of my early marriage, although my H had more of a tendency to get angry/defensive rather than politely deflective.
I know your vacation is around the corner, and I hope you get a chance to relax and have some fun with H. Maybe one positive experience will help to break the ice and move in the right direction.
