Plank removed from my eye, too late for WAW? 6

[stewart10]

Hey Heim. Think you are doing pretty good lately and you have been getting good advice from others. Thought something you wrote made some sense to me especially since I am having trouble with the same things you are.

The ever-elusive beast that is detachment. To me, and I've thought this before, detachment is like holding two contradictory thoughts in your head at once -- 1. i could reconcile with my W 2. I need to live my life like that's not going to happen. It's like you've got to put your love in bubble wrap or something so that you don't feel it as anything other than this presence somewhere inside of you. You can't act on it, You can't do anything with it. You check to see if it's still there now and again, but that's it.

I think you are right on here. I also think that you have to take it one step further and not care that you may not reconcile with W. I think that as long as you are caring and hoping that reconciliation may occur, you will never really be detached. I know I am not there yet, although stepping up the GAL routine has helped me not to dwell on my situation as much as I used to. There always will be a time, usually in the evenings, while I am at home alone where I find myself longing to have things back to normal but I have been a bit more accepting of my situation lately. The loneliness is still there and pretty pronounced. I still care and really want to get back together so I think I still have a long way to go with detachment.

[alk24]

Heim,

Dating before your divorce is final is dangerous territory. My now H and I started dating 3 or 4 months before I was legally divorced and I can look back and see how it affected our relationship. Also, my religious beliefs are that I am still married in God's eyes until it's legal. That's my biggest regret. I believe b/c H and I didn't start off on the right foot that our marriage wasn't "blessed". But, that's me. It's so easy to take the feelings you're having for your W and transfer them to someone else, esp b/c you are so hurt and lonely. I think if H and I would have waited to date until after my D was final our relationship would have been much more stable.

Okay, I'm rambling..sorry. It's so hard not to want some companionship, affection, etc. I don't know how I would handle being asked out right now, even though I've been there before and feel strongly against it. The need to have someone physically touch me (and not in a sexual way) is so strong right now, it might over ride my rational thinking.

[waw1978]

Let me just weigh in here H.

Head out get some beers and do some flirting! Its great for the ego and the PMA and is pretty safe. Def not dating. I am sure you will find out what your threshold is pretty quickly as to whether or not you feel comfortable enough to actually take that next step. If you do, then give it a try. One date is not going to ruin what you have done so far. Who knows, may give you clarity on what your "next steps" are going to be. Just my nickels worth.

[Heimlich]

Thanks, ladies.

Not very good at the flirting thing, but thinking about breaking out of my comfort zone and heading to spots where it might be possible. I really am pretty shy in person. I can talk without drooling and whatnot, but have a hard time approaching folks. Better than I used to be, but still.

Mandy, not terribly religious (11 years of Catholic school beat it out of me) and my W and I were married in a civil ceremony. To me, the paper has been just that. Paper. Made it legal for taxes and finances. I felt just as committed/married in my heart to her two years prior to the wedding as I did until very recently. I guess I was married in my heart, if that makes any sense, and I just don't feel married any longer. It's a legality. The feelings between us that made it a marriage are no longer there.

BD

[Not Much Left]

Hey H!

[Heimlich]

How's the great white north, cva?

[Not Much Left]

Its lookin up! Bout to go to dinner with a bar that's apparently has some nice scenery!!!

Wish me luck, yes luck. All I need is a little ego boost from a WAW type (or a Cougar in my case) and that will hold me for a while!!

C

[Nomopo]

CVA,

You're not trying to pick anyone up. You're just looking to make some friendly convo. If you try to talk to someone not interested in talking, just move on. And, oh yeah, smile! Early and often.

Nomo

[Heimlich]

If the bar doesn't work out, you can always swing by a target. Maybe Waw's Canadian equivalent will be hanging out there. Have fun, but not too much.

[Not Much Left]

I'm not worthy! Good advice oh great one! It has been a while since I have even tried to have a convo with the oposite sex! Other than the super hot W's Desperate Housewives friends!