Thank you, everyone, who replied to my former posting! I have read everyone's advice several times, and it really helped me relax and cool my jets.
I did leave my H a message to tell him I was sorry if I had given him the impression he was not invited for T'giving, but that I would also understand if he wanted to visit his brother in another state...(we had been playing phone tag for a couple of days.) He called back, and was obviously relieved to be clearly invited, and wants to come, and even help cook!
Some of the advice that really helped me was IMP's "positives" and attitude advice, as well as the advice to seek solutions, not put up walls. Also PL's advice to be a bridge to his kids.
I have read a lot on this forum, and I realize that my situation is not that extreme. However, it is really hard to get past reacting to feeling rejected, and to my H's warm/cold thing.
Here is the Q: (perhaps it is too vague!) How do I balance making invitations with not pursuing? I often feel like I am getting it wrong, even though I try not to call often, only with good reason, keep it short, etc. Maybe I need to learn how to let go of the yearning thing...
Another Q: How to balance having some dignity and self-respect, while feeling pathetic waiting for a man to decide if he wants me, after telling me that he doesn't love me enough to stay (his words).
Yes, I know this sounds like more attitude, but how do you folks do this!? I try to tell myself that he just said those ugly things because he was miserably unhappy, and felt cornered by me and the marriage counselor, but then I think: "OMG, it's true--he did move out!" and then I think that people's feelings change and feelings of love fluctuate, blah, blah. Yes, I am overthinking, but my mind is going at 100 miles an hour. Then, when I talk to or see my H I have to try to cultivate some serenity and calm.
It all feels kind of false--I am an honest and friendly person, but also sort of a compulsive communicator. This has worked (well, maybe not, considering what is happening now) for the 1st 29 years of my M, and our kids are awesome (if currently bummed). Now, I am supposed to "do a 180", but I can't figure out to what.
Obviously less communication from me is in order, but this recent misunderstanding about Thanksgiving was a result of my attempt to say less. I think my H has depended on me to weigh things out loud, and consult him about his opinion. When I didn't do that, I feel like it kind of blew up in our faces...
Sorry if my Q is to vague to answer, but if there is anyone out there who has pondered similar Qs, I would really appreciate your thoughts, or suggestions for other things I should read that address this sort of thing.
