Are we DBing or what?

[Cinderellaman]

Angelica, I like this thread, it's the type of thread that suits my personality !

My marriage is WORTH trying to save, in any way, shape, or form ! I have shared 17 wonderful years with the man that is STILL my first LOVE and BIG love and we have 3 gorgeous and wonderful kids. There is SO MUCH to be saved, there is so much to still hold the HOPE for !

I don't know if DB'ing affects my H in any way, but it has helped me grow and develop and get back to some parts I used to be ! I am very thankful for THAT, and if H were to come back, then I have a LOT more to offer NOW than I did back when he left !

HOPE, FAITH and LOVE.....

[brandnewday]

THANK YOU!!!!

The people who bother me are those who having decided not to go on standing, then try and tell the rest of us that what we are doing is ineffectual and pointless. Thank you, but the rest of the world is already saying that.

I am so glad you posted that.
I am glad you are not only diplomatic but ballsy too!!

Yes you are right, this is a place to DB your arse off and to encourage others.

It is not about false hope, it is more about having an abundance of patience.

For some 6 months seems like an eternity, yet for others 2 years is just part of the process.

Yes I too had many many days when I just wanted to be done with standing, because it was so damn hard, but I am glad I stood.

I would never do this again because once was enough, but the end results are wonderful and rewarding.

Not only was my Marriage restored, but it is better then it was before.

I never would have made changes in my life, character flaws that needed major work would never have happened had I not gone through this fire.

For those that choose to Divorce, or date others, or just give up, I understand, but don't discourage those of us who are taking another path.

Being still is wonderful advice, if not the best advice.

The 48 hour rule is also another good rule of thumb.

Duct tape for whatever ails you!!!

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

[BaseballAnnie]

A., I love that you started this thread. I think it's very important to reaffirm all the positive reasons for being here.

I am sure some people wonder why people like me are still here, given that my marriage ended in divorce, and that I quit standing for my marriage.

I am still here for a lot of reasons.

I still post in order to try to help some people who are still caught up in the drama and despair to see that it does get better, you can get to a place where you view your situation and your life differently, even if the outcome is not what you would hope.

I still post in order to try to help my friends here, who have so often helped me.

I still post in order to try to lend support to those here who are still standing, who do still have hope for their marriage, to encourage them to have faith, and give it over to God.

I still post in order to try to learn and grow, to understand what my MLC Ex-spouse is going through, to try to develop compassion for him, and to try and become a better person.

I still post here because I still have faith in love, and relationships and marriage, and while none of those things may ever come back into my life, I still want to be reassured and reminded that they exist and they are possible.

I still post here because some days I just want to laugh and be silly because I need that in my life, and nothing quite does that for me like blibbering about sports and doodles and beavers and tequila and shoes.

And last but not least, I still post here because, it is here, in this place, where I have found some of the people who are most dear to me in my life now, and my life has been forever changed because of it.

There's nothing about this place that could be characterized as ineffectual or pointless. But like so much in life, you will get from it what you give to it.

besos, My Sis,
BA

[JAK58]

This thread is awesome.

I have learned so much with the help of everyone here. I will take DBing and eveything that it has taught me and use it in my everyday life.

I think most of us here are successes weather our M's survive or not, just in what we have gotten from these boards.

JAK

[MissH]

Good thread Angelica.

I myself am lost at to whether I am standing or not. Some days I just want to throw the towel in (especially lately) but other times I want my marriage back. I will not however tell anyone to just throw the towel in, it's a personal choice.

BND, you wrote:

It is not about false hope, it is more about having an abundance of patience

Maybe this is where I struggle. After 2 years of this MLCBS, I am just tired. I was starting to think that I was just giving myself false hope in standing for my M when my H is clearly not interested in any part of US. It's so hard to hold onto hope when the WAS shows no signs of wanting the M. I sometimes feel like standing for my M gets me stuck in a rut of fantasy instead of living in reality. How can I find the patience and hope again? I am struggling with that.

I know a lot of posters here mention that my H is one of the worst here, so sometimes I feel like he is too damaged to expect him to ever come out of this.

[jmw]

I come here because no one I know personally can share my grief, no one I know has too deal with the deal I've been dealt.

I find the support i recieve from everyone on this board is what helps keep me going, non of my friends know I come here, I come here for advice and support that I can't get anywhere else.

I love my H dearly, I can't give up on him, I don't like the way he has treated me and our sons, but I do not want to give up on him.

I have chosen to be around for him, I know I will be divorced soon, but this fact doesn't stop me loving him.

My friends and family can't understand how I feel, our sons understand because they have similar emotions.

the people I have met through this board understand because of shared experience.

I am grateful to all posters, even the negative ones because all posts offer me insight and direction.

Thank you.

[brandnewday]

Mrs.H

I know how you are feeling right now, and for right now all you can do is to be practical.

Taking care of the kids, your financials and especially yourself is the most important.

Of course you feel hopeless, who wouldn't?

But it will change, and it will get better.

Regardless of what he does, you have changed.

You are not the same person you were, and you have learned to recognize the areas in which change needed to happen.

I remember crying face down on the floor to God to please release me from this Marriage because the pain was too much to handle.

I wanted the pain and the rejection to go away.

Instead God gave me compassion for this man.

He gave me patience.

Mrs.H, your Husband has to do things at his own pace, and unfortunately, you are the hare and he is the tortoise.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))

[Lissie]

Dahling( I hear you saying that in a wonderful accent to me)

Well really BND,, does it when she calls me , but she is doing your voice.

I am dbing, and I will always DB it has saved my life. And I leave the board so much I can't even count (I'm a dork)


My Dbing was first to get that puffy back. My Dbing now is for me and to be a better parent, nurse, friend, and co-parent.

I do not stand for my marriage, b/c after hard prayer, and work, and realization, I was not able to be the best me.
Puffy is different than many of the others here. He is not well, and it is safer for me to move on.

I applaud the standers, and I pray for the reconciliation of many marriages.

I do see many hopeful situations, I know how hard it is to stand.

But I feel so many of you can do it.

Patience is hard to learn, I still get in my hyper, I want it now moods, but for the most part I remember , to Just let it go.

I do have one thing to say to the newbies that Are Dbing, and standing.

Try to make a decision early on, to accept this as a blessing.

Oh how hard it is. I know , I know exactly.

But your spouse has been called away from you for a reason.

Embrace that reason. Thank God for his way of doing things.

Even tho is it not YOUR way. Even tho it is the hardest thing that has ever happened to you.

Embrace this time, b/c it may only come once.

You are given a chance to find yourself. To rescue yourself, You are given another chance at the game of life.

I think about it and I tear up, b/c I would never want to be that old Lis.

Step your prayers up a notch
or your meditation whatever.


Sleep, eat well, drink plenty of water, and exercise.

Take care of you.

Write in a journal and give thanks for what you DO have.

At first all I could write was
Thank you God for my kids, I could not see anything else good.

And now the page is full sometimes takes another page.

And in the midst of all this crap, I lost my grandmother that was my best friend. I lost another wonderful friend in my life, and just recently I had to give away my dog, b/c she is very sick.

The punches keep on coming, and I will keep on taking them b/c God is not cruel.

So yes, this place is for support, and Help.

This place is to DB in a million ways.

And I agree Angelica , no one should take away people's hope or dreams or prayers.

Be proud of all your actions, and you will do fine.


Lissett

[a new 2moro]

ahhh geee Liss, you are so grand! its so nice to hear from you. i tried to reply to an email but it didnt go thru. But i think of you OFTEN!!!!!

[Truelove]

Hi Angelica,
Very good thread! - Like BND said, for some 2 years is just too long to stand, and for others it is the necessary process. I also thought that I had false hope and was just about to give up, when it all turned around. And in hindsite, I think I would have even stood for a third year, although I wanted the pain and hurt to be over!